Under the Veil

just a poem about lifting the mask and looking underneath.

 

Under the Veil

 

The wind dances with grass,

The trees sway, leaves singing.

 

The stars are twinkling,

The moon’s light is bringing…

 

 

…A smile, a titter.

An air of happiness.

 

A small bit of heaven,

Nothing more, nothing less.

 

 

But beneath the beauty,

There’s an insensate cold.

 

A note of self-hatred,

Gripped in an iron-hold.

 

 

The heart of ice flutters,

It’s beat dying out.

 

The rhythm of breathing,

A cloud of rising doubt.

 

 

The frost is thickening,

The sun won’t prevail.

 

It slowly dulls and fades,

As the rays try and fail.

 

 

In this barren abyss,

They will sit here and wait…

 

…For the sun to try once more,

Or for pain to dilate.

Author's Note

i think i wrote this one over the course of a week in the margins of my science notebook :)
i know the rhyming is a little off.

Reviews

[Padma]

I love this poem. THe words here are so flexible that i see different meanings in them...like the lines "The wind dances with grass,
The trees sway, leaves singing......

.......A note of self-hatred,
Gripped in an iron-hold."
I can interpret these lines as speaking about someone whom the world sees as beautiful. BUt that person is very insecure about the beauty...very consciuos and scared of raising the veil ...because the beauty has flaws and the world might notice them.Nothing is perfect.

Then there are the lines "The heart of ice flutters,
It's beat dying out.

The rhythm of breathing,
A cloud of rising doubt.

�For the sun to try once more,

Or for pain to dilate."

These bring out the picture of a dying person...a dying heart.And raising of the veil stands for whether the person will survive or will the heart beats go numb. Very very beautiful.

[KyRa A.]

that was really good i loved it and it really makes you think! p.s. thanks for the review ;)

[Lauren.!]

I liked it, very enjoyable. :)

[Phantom Heart]

Once you life up the mask, you will find both good and evil. I like it. The rhyming was like you said a little off but still good, it was enjoyable. It never seemed like you had to "bend" what you wanted to say to get it to rhyme. very enjoyable write.

[Walkingblind]

This is good and the rhyme is clean it fit the subject perfectly, if something
works let it flow I thought it was great. The truth of this is right in your face not
in a punching way it doesn't slap you in the face...it's more of 'look pass the mirror'
type truth that I think is very clever. I also like how you mention the happy stuff first
such as:

�A smile, a titter.
An air of happiness

Most poetry that is based on this idea starts off dark then gets a bit light as it goes on
but this is different I like it. Very nice can't wait to read more!!