The State of my Room

As I sit here in a darkened room

Shades blowing lazily in the breeze

The cold air haunts me

Yet fills my soul to ease

It's cold, but it's not freezing

Just enough to give a chill

To tired to remember if I'm broke

Or if I just forgot to pay the heating bill

It wasn't the latter

Though I would never tell my mother

I can hear her condescending tone

As she compares me to my brother

I pull the threadbare blanket close

Not for warmth, but to comfort me

I look around this darkened room

At the same mess I always see

If rooms reflect the state of one's life

Mine would hit the nail on the head

For my room is in the exact state

Of one who wishes they were dead

Reviews

[William Liston]

Two words: beautiful imagery. Each description of your room made me not only visualize, but actually "feel" the melancholy. From the "shades blowing lazily in the breeze" to the cold air, each of your descriptions gave me chillls. To finish it off, the way you related the room to your emotions (or, more specifically, to your sorrow as you reflected on your mom's words) was brilliant. With each description of your character and the room, you created a dark, somber tone that nearly moved me to tears. Great job. I'd give this a 10 out of 10.

[Death's Poet]

Thank you so much. Your reviews always make me smile. They are my favorite because I feel like you go much more in depth and that always helps with the learning process. But I digress. This was another poem close to home. My favorite is to make my poems almost tangible. I want to put the reader there in the room, or make them feel the emotions portrayed. So to hear that I achieved that makes me extremely glad. Thank you! I look forward to reading more of your critiques on my work

[William Liston]

Just curious, which poets influenced you the most. Who's your favorite poet?

[Death's Poet]

Edgar Allan Poe. My work has actually been compared to his alot. He has always been an extreme inspiration to me. I am obsessed with his macabre voice

[William Liston]

I can tell. In Poe's essay, "The Philosophy of Composition," he said that "Beauty of whatever kind, in its supreme development, invariably excites the sensitive soul to tears." You, my friend, do a good job of that. In the same essay, he also said that "melancholy is the most legit of all poetical tones. In your poems, you seem to follow his maxims very well.

The poet who influenced me most is Paul Laurence Dunbar. If you haven't heard of him, you should read his poem "A Lost Dream."

[William Liston]

I'm thinking of creating a writing course or an analytical essay about poetry sometime this summer. Would you mind if I mentioned your poem in either one of them? This poem has some nice aspects that would really fit well in my analysis. Also, could you recommend some poems (they don't have to be yours) for me to analyse? It would be greatly appreciated.

[Death's Poet]

Oh my gosh I would be absolutely honored if you would!!!! I would love to hear their reactions if you don't mind!!! I would be absolutely and completely honored

[andrew mitchell]

A lovely write at least the imagery is one of being lived in while those home mags that show pictures of bedrooms look so sterile, clean but empty of being lived in, untidy gives life I think.

[Death's Poet]

Thank you Andrew! I am so glad you are still active on here!

[andrew mitchell]

I didn't know you read my writes lol.