Black No. 1

 

Drink the potion of sin
And caress the darkness within
Bring out your arch nemesis
And do as you will with bliss

Let your conscience fall away
As you embrace this new freedom
Even though your mind is led astray
As your soul becomes numb

Burned by this new flame
That carries his name
As trouble succumbs you
And all is through

Inject the venom into your veins
And let the illusions enlighten you
Taking away what was once your pain
But lay back, and watch the damage it can do

The scars on your face take way your smile
As it steals your beauty with guile
The poison has sucked your youth dry
As the child within you cries

Blackened darkness fills your skies
Taking away tomorrow
As all hope dies
In your own sea of sorrow

Reviews

[Twilight]

This is very good! It works, both as a poem and a piece of writing which holds the interest of your readership. Also, it's written with quite emotive (and brutal) language. But, that is not a weakness in any way - with a piece of writing, which has this type of theme. The flow and rhyme scheme are flawless, as far as I can see? What do the rest of you think perhaps?

Any weaknesses? Well, the title is far from creative or original. Just a thought...

[RYGON MASK]

OoooOoooh...