The Hero of the Quick Sand Kingdom

A short narrative about a hero when there were none around.

I grew up in kingdoms made up of quick sand
Where heroes so rare were in high demand.
Our houses and homes were all pulled underground,
And it seems that our heroes were never around.

I grew up in tunnels made up of dust.
The roofs were iffy but in them did we trust.
One day, a tunnel collapsed with me in it.
When fin’lly I clawed my way out, my mom said I’d get it.

A dragon appeared in the sky up above.
He was looking for some killing that he dearly loved,
But he could not find us beneath the earth
Until a hero arose and from the dirt was birthed.

So I pointed my grey sword toward the blue sky.
Then, the dragon ate me, and with that I died.
He saw from whence I had come and dug up the soil.
He breathed his firey breath, and my people were promptly boiled.

Author's Note

Converting some old songs to poetry. Harder than I thought it would be.
Tell me what ya think.

Reviews

[Lorraine]

The idea of a dragon terrorizing the land is something I can't quite take seriously. I think this poem lacks development but the concept in itself is pretty much there. I love the idea of a hero that's not so much of a hero after all. I guess it sorts of add realism in this rather fantastical narrative.

Keep Writing. ^___^

[lindsay]

I could see this being strummed on an acoustic guitar whilst wandering about a forest. Oh I like this.

[Colton Bose]

This would make a very good folk song in my opinion. I think adding music to this piece would do it wonders.

Overall, I like it a lot. However, one of the lines ("He was looking for some killing that he loved"), didn't sound quite right. You might want to consider rewording it, as personally I feel it disrupts the flow a little. Then again, it could be just me.

But yeah, like I said: it's great stuff overall.