Introduction - Before Her

Introduction to "What She Is"

Sometimes you get tired. Tired of people or of life. Most people have experienced this. If not, they haven’t really lived. They have trapped themselves in a bubble of “happiness” that makes sure they never get hurt. Most people have been in that bubble for a great deal of time. There comes a time when that bubble is popped. When? Nobody knows. Sometimes it’s an experience. Maybe it pops with age or depression. Perhaps it’s inherited. Your parents’ bubbles may have popped around the same age yours did. Some seek to pop the bubble, but a lot of times, they regret it.

            The girl was nine. That surprises most. How can one only be nine when their bubble weakened? Most children have a bubble surrounding them, but it is not created by them. It is made by parents or grandparents or whomever takes care of them. They want everything to seem like it’s okay, when in reality, nothing really is. Of course, children really need this bubble. It is rare that a boy grows into a good man if he is exposed to the worry and horror of the world around him before he is ready.

            Anyway, the girl was only nine. She was not ready for life to hit her. Nobody is at that age. The girl grew into a teenager with a corrupt mind. Beautiful and stunning she was, and she was quite capable of being a good student. Unfortunately, the young woman did not want that. She wanted money and men, and that’s what she got. The men paid her for her service to them, but she did not think it was much of a job. Her parents were horrified every morning, waking up to a different man sitting in their living room. They were not people of discipline, but the girl’s older brother was.

            Hanson was the girl’s brother. Though he could not talk her out of her ways, he gave her a natural consequence. The wrong pills.

Author's Note

Thanks for reading, please leave constructive criticism and tell me what I can do better and things you like! Thanks!

Reviews

[Farhan Shaikh]

Concepts are really nice, well i don't think i can find any critics here because i am not really good at looking for critics and even i do loads of mistakes..well i think you wrote a very good chapter, no doubt I'm going to read the next, hope it will be amazing

[PaulB]

This is fairly dark. A couple of possible improvements that might be made; Second paragraph, you begin 'The girl was only nine' then at the start of the third paragraph, you state 'Anyway the girl was only nine' Why not try leaving out from 'Anyway..' to 'at that age' and begin the paragraph 'The girl grew into a teenager...'?
End of the 3rd para. Perhaps 'but Hanson, the girls older brother was' then there's no need for 'Hanson was the girls brother.'

[Rodela]

The bubble concept was altogether nice,but the brother character seems a little ambiguous

[Lilia]

Trust me, the brother is made to be more clear in the first and second chapters. Thanks for reading!

[Chris]

Not a "light" read, nor an altogether pleasant one - but you touched upon a lot of truth ...least for me. Though your "she" is a fair bit older than I was when such a bubble popped...

Seems "she" chose an other path but eating IS a hard habit to have to break.

[Lilia]

I'm not one to write pleasant things, sorry about that. I try to keep it truthful

[Chris]

Don't apologize for being you... I wasn't criticizing just stating fact as it seems to me.