Desperately Seeking Mary Jane

This began as a short story inspired by (guess! can't you guess?) Reefer Madness. The intent is, as I believe it ought to be, first to entertain, second to provoke thought. Also, please note it is intended to be performed as part of a collection of sho

                        SCENE 1.

THE CURTAIN RISES. We see a dresser at STAGE RIGHT with a phone on top of it. There is a couch at CENTER LEFT STAGE.

 

LIGHTING: SPOT on MOTHER GOOSE, center stage.

 

AT RISE, on stage is the MOTHER GOOSE. She sits on the edge of the stage holding a book of Mother Goose’s Nursery Rhymes open in her lap, and clears her throat before speaking.

MOTHER GOOSE

Hello boys and girls! For those of you who are too old to remember, I am Mother Goose, and if you haven’t already guessed, I’m about to tell you a story! This story doesn’t have any talking animals, or make-believe in it though; it’s about what happened to a real little boy named Jimmy Stone. Jimmy Stone was just a normal 14 year old boy, living in what could have been any normal suburban neighborhood in any city in America.  He did well in school, had many friends, and was just starting to become interested in girls.  In fact, there was one girl in his class that he was especially interested in.  Her name was Suzy, and we’ll come back to her later.  Jimmy’s dad had a good job at a locally owned bank, and his mother, a modern, progressive woman, sometimes worked afternoons at a nearby daycare to bring in extra money for the household.

Enter JIMMY and TOMMY, wearing baseball caps and baseball gloves, and tossing a baseball back and forth between them.

        MOTHER GOOSE

Jimmy’s favorite sport was that great American pastime, baseball!  He played on a Little League team with his best friend, Tommy Baker.  One Wednesday after practice, Jimmy went over to Tommy’s house to play catch and practice his pitching.

EXEUNT MOTHER GOOSE. LIGHTS focus on Jimmy and Tommy. They are tossing the ball back and forth lazily. Jimmy wipes his arm across his forehead.

JIMMY

Whew, it sure is hot out here, Tommy.

TOMMY

Yeah, let’s go inside!

TOMMY and JIMMY walk to LEFT-CENTER, toss their gloves and the ball on the floor, and JIMMY takes a seat. TOMMY glances around nervously, then reaches into a drawer of the dresser and pulls out a blunt.

TOMMY

Come here, I’ve got something to show you. Look at this, Jimmy.

He waves JIMMY over to him and shows him the blunt.

JIMMY

What is it Tommy? It looks like one of my dad’s cigars.

TOMMY

Do you know Herbie Johnson’s older brother Bud?

JIMMY

He’s the one who moved to Texas, right?

TOMMY

Yep! Herbie found some of these in Bud’s old clothes; he says they’re a thousand times better than cigars!

JIMMY takes the blunt from TOMMY.

JIMMY

What’s it called?

TOMMY

Herbie says it’s called Marijuana.

JIMMY

(frowning)

Gee, I dunno, Tommy. That sounds like a Mexican word, and my dad says we can’t trust those people…

TOMMY

Aww, come on Jimmy, don’t be a chicken! We can try it this weekend when your parents are out of town.

 

JIMMY

Well…okay. But I promised Suzy I would go over to her house to watch a movie on Saturday.

TOMMY grins, jumps up, and starts doing a taunting dance.

TOMMY

Oohhh, Jimmy’s got a girlfriend! Jimmy’s got a girlfriend!

JIMMY shoves TOMMY half-heartedly.

JIMMY

Aw, lay off it Tommy…

LIGHTS down. EXEUNT JIMMY and TOMMY. ENTER MOTHER GOOSE, from the rear of the theatre. As she approaches the stage, she speaks.

MOTHER GOOSE

And so the two took their first steps down the path to perdition.

As SCENE 1 ends, she walks up onto the stage, takes a seat on the floor where she was before, and opens her book.

        END SCENE 1.

 

SCENE 2.

The stage does not change from SCENE 1.

 

SPOT on MOTHER GOOSE, center stage, where she sat at the end of SCENE 1.

MOTHER GOOSE

The next two days passed quickly for both boys, and before Jimmy knew it, it was Friday and his parents were dropping him off at Tommy’s house with his sleeping bag and clothes.

EXEUNT MOTHER GOOSE. ENTER JIMMY, carrying a duffel bag and sleeping bag, and TOMMY.

JIMMY

So you told your parents we’re going to the park to play catch?

TOMMY

(excited)

Yep! They won’t suspect a thing! You brought your glove, right?

JIMMY tosses his stuff down next to TOMMY’s dresser.

JIMMY

Of course…

JIMMY hesitates as he pulls his glove out of the duffel bag.

JIMMY

(unsure)

Are you sure about this Tommy?

TOMMY

(puts his arm around JIMMY)

Trust me. It’ll be fun, and no one will ever know! Why not?

JIMMY

(reassured)

Well, alright then. I guess it’s now or never.

ENTER MOTHER GOOSE STAGE RIGHT. TOMMY and JIMMY walk to STAGE LEFT. SPOT on MOTHER GOOSE.

MOTHER GOOSE

(dramatic)

Little did Jimmy know he had just signed a deal with the Devil. A deal that could only end…in tragedy.

JIMMY and TOMMY sit down on the couch, light up the blunt, and start smoking, passing it back and forth. They become very high very quickly. As the lights change to give the stage a more surreal aspect, the two laugh, giggle, shove each other, and change positions on the couch; eventually JIMMY slides off and onto the floor.

MOTHER GOOSE

Two hours later, the poison was gone, but both its stench and its effects remained.

 

JIMMY

(grinning like a madman)

Tommy, this marijuana is better than rock and roll! I guess my dad was wrong about those Mexicans. We have to get more!

TOMMY

But how? Herbie said Bud spent lots of money buying it…where are we going to find enough?

JIMMY

Eureka, Tommy! I saw my dad set the new combination to my parents’ safe! I’ll bet there’s loads of money in there!

TOMMY

I don’t know…I’d feel bad stealing from your parents…

JIMMY

Who’s the chicken now, Tommy? Hey, want to see my dad’s gun? He keeps it in there too!

LIGHTS DOWN. EXEUNT JIMMY and TOMMY.

END SCENE 2.

 

SCENE 3.

LIGHTS UP. The stage is empty except for MOTHER GOOSE and the dresser.

MOTHER GOOSE

The next day was Saturday, and the two naïve young boys had been transformed overnight into conniving degenerates by the power of the devil weed. Mary Jane would soon seal both their fates.

EXEUNT MOTHER GOOSE, STAGE RIGHT.

JIMMY and TOMMY ENTER STAGE LEFT, each smoking a blunt of their own. JIMMY looks at his watch.

JIMMY

Oh no! I was supposed to be over at Suzy’s half an hour ago!

TOMMY

You’ve got to call her and get her over here! She can smoke with us!

JIMMY

You’re a genius, Tommy! I’m going to call her right now!

JIMMY runs over and grabs the phone from the dresser. He dials quickly, and then listens for a moment. SUZY speaks from off-stage.

 

SUZY

Hello?

JIMMY

Hi Suzy! It’s me, Jimmy!

SUZY

Jimmy, where are you? I was worried you forgot about me.

JIMMY

Oh, of course not Suzy! How could I forget about you?

        TOMMY snickers.

SUZY

Are you coming over now?

JIMMY

Well, actually, I was hoping you could come over here…Tommy and I have a big surprise for you!

SUZY

Really? Sure Jimmy, I’d love to! See you in a minute!

JIMMY and TOMMY high five.

TOMMY

Gee, Jimmy, I never knew you were so good at lying! You should be an actor!

JIMMY

Thanks Tommy!

ENTER SUZY, stage left.

SUZY

Ewww! What’s that smell?

JIMMY

That’s part of your surprise, Suzy! I promise you’ll love it!

SUZY

Well, I hope the rest of the surprise is better than it smells.

TOMMY lights up another blunt.

SUZY

Are you guys smoking? That doesn’t smell like my dad’s cigars…

JIMMY

It’s better than cigars, Suzy!

TOMMY

A thousand times better, in fact! It’s called marijuana, and it is loads of fun!

Both boys take a hit, and TOMMY offers the blunt to SUZY.

SUZY

Well, okay. I suppose one try couldn’t hurt anything.

SUZY takes a long drag and exhales slowly.

SUZY

Wow, that’s not bad at all!

The three begin passing the blunt around, laughing, giggling, and smoking. Once again, the lights shift to make the stage seem more surreal. SUZY makes eyes at TOMMY, who seems not to notice, as JIMMY makes eyes at her. Without speaking, the actors should use body language to indicate the love triangle forming.

JIMMY

Hey Suzy, want to see something neat?

SUZY

Okay Jimmy. I like your surprises.

JIMMY gets up and exits STAGE LEFT. SUZY sits on the couch next to TOMMY.

JIMMY

I’ll be back in a second!

TOMMY and SUZY look at, and then away from, each other awkwardly for a few seconds, then SUZY scoots closer. TOMMY seems very nervous, and doesn’t meet SUZY’s eyes. She looks down and bites her lip, seeming uncertain, and JIMMY runs by across the back of the stage.

JIMMY

Just a minute!

TOMMY and SUZY look up at each other at the same time, and SUZY seizes the moment, leaning in to kiss him.

SUZY

Wow, Tommy, you’re full of surprises, too!

TOMMY and SUZY kiss again, just as JIMMY ENTERS STAGE RIGHT, carrying his father’s gun.

 

JIMMY

Tommy, how could you!?

TOMMY jumps up guiltily, and SUZY licks her lips, eyeing him sensuously. Without thinking, JIMMY aims and fires the gun, killing TOMMY instantly. TOMMY falls over dead on top of Suzy, who pushes him off onto the floor and begins screaming.

SUZY

Oh my god! Oh my god!

JIMMY

(furious)

Suzy, stop screaming! This is your fault!

SUZY keeps screaming. JIMMY chases her around the room and hits her in the head with the gun over and over again.

JIMMY

STOP SCREAMING! STOP SCREAMING!

SUZY collapses, also dead.

JIMMY

Suzy!? Suzy, say something….Suzy!?

JIMMY looks at the gun for a minute, then sits down on the couch. He looks at the gun in his hand, and around at the room and the audience, his face showing shock, guilt, and fear. He glances at the arm of the couch, where TOMMY set a blunt earlier. He picks up the blunt, takes one last drag, and then puts the gun in his mouth. LIGHTS DOWN.

ENTER MOTHER GOOSE, SPOT on MOTHER GOOSE center stage, with the three dead bodies faintly visible.

MOTHER GOOSE

(Dead serious) Boys and girls, I hope you have all learned something here today. DON’T LET THIS HAPPEN TO YOU!

                                                                                                                                        LIGHTS DOWN.

                                                                                                                                        END SCENE 3.

                                                                                                                                        EXEUNT.

Author's Note

There is a DVD of this very short play being performed, which I will attempt to link here once I've uploaded it to the interwebs, in case any one is curious to see it.