iPhone Notes #2

Random thoughts and ideas written into my iPhone notes.

You were swinging the modern look,
I was the art student straight outta the book,
You combed your hair back,
And I dyed mine lilac.
Two different worlds that met at the lips,
All because you loved my swaying hips.

Author's Note

A work in progress

Reviews

[John A. Ayala]

This poem has an alluring cadence manifested both in its content and form. Its narrative flow left me wondering about the events to follow. Although you indicate it is a work in progress, the poem seems to work very well as a standalone piece.

- John

[Ellen Randall]

Thank you so much John!! This is very encouraging.
I always worry my stuff isn't quiet complete but its reassuring to here that.
x

[angel augustine]

thats so encouraging...and helpful...

[Wórdsmíth]

"Art student straight outta the book?" Sounds good. I love the line. Nice imagery. You`ve expressed a glimpse of your heart through this write!

[Everett DeValle]

I write notes in my iPhone because I'm always on the go... I truly enjoyed the couplets...very modern...I love the energy your poem brings.

[Ellen Randall]

Thank you Everett! Your comments are very greatly appreciated

[Everett DeValle]

You are very welcome, Ellen...Actually, Thank you for sharing...welcome to the WC.

[Rene Salinas]

Sometimes very few words means you have to be mindful as what you want to represent. And this got to me as sexy as free a little irresponsible and up tp have a good time. Morern look / vs Art student with a tinge of prple in there and the inference that she is curvy and attractive.

Time to swap numbers then or get a room?

Thankyou

[Ellen Randall]

Haha actually its about my boyfriend and I and I like to thing our relationship is very fun and free so I wanted to show that in the poem.

[Rene Salinas]

Ha! All sorted then