“You deserve love too”

I’ve been watching tarot

Watching time grow

Touching myself to the thoughts of you

I don’t know who you are

So I study from afar

In attempts to get a better clue

I’ve been talking to God

Trying to temper my thoughts

I can be love sick when left alone for too long

I have people that want to jump my bones

I have dates I could be going on

But God tells me you’re the truth

So I temper my ego

And I fasten my seatbelt

And I wait for sudden news

Tell me you’re real

Tell me this is the real f*****g deal

Reviews

[The_Ancient_Rock]

By the way... I love Tarot...

;)

[The_Ancient_Rock]

What's real is real and always will be...

Even if we happen to fall insane... reality... maybe not for us... but reality never changes.

Of course we can say... each individual their own inner world, their own reality...

But... what really is real... is always real... and it will be forever and ever!

Reality is one... And it shall always be so... Doesn't really matter if we love it... or hate it...

And of course we can try to change things... but as always and forever and ever...

Reality is real... And... what is real... is real!!!

And for me many things... Yeah... it's all real!!!

I got proof... concrete solid evidence...

Real proof... solid... that everyone can see...

No construct of my "twisted" "deranged" mind...

I may be going a lil bit insane... but not to that point yet...

Great writing!

[JayG]

• Touching myself to the thoughts of you

Why thank you. But...who are you, and why are you thinking of me?

My point: What's in it for the reader. You dumped a flood of posts today, all you talking about things meaningful to you, never giving the reader either context or a reason to care. But, informing the reader on your life is a report, not a poem.

The goal of poetry, like fiction, is to entertain the reader, bit educate them on your life. Given that they know nothing about you, the reader, literally, doesn't care. As E. L. Doctorow puts it, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.”

Tell the reader that you cried at a funeral and the reader yawns. Make that reader weep and they thank you.

Perhaps, were you expressing yourself in evocative terms the beauty of language would move the reader, but you're using conversational English.

There's a LOT to poetry that's not obvious, and we literally learn none of its techniques in our school days. In fact, the only approach we learn there is nonfiction, to ready us for employment. That approach is fact-based and author-centric—which is what you use here. Poetry, though, is emotion-based and character-centric.

A really good introduction to non rhyming poetry is Mary Oliver's, A Poetry Handbook. You can download a readable copy here:
https://yes-pdf.com/book/1596

It's a fun read.


Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/