Coming Undone

Boiling heat, slowly melting my tired eyes.

Memories fell from the decaying sky, sun enveloped by lies.

Stealing, stuttering, muttering my name.

The ashes feed upon the skin, disguised by pain.

Time has passed, I can’t go back, my heart was a scab, I picked at it.

It never heals, it never goes away, what can I say?

Hang my head, fill my mouth with dirt to bury the fear.

Until you all just disappear.

Hide my face, warm the cold winds, trapped in a blurred daze.

I’m just a disgrace, won’t you come and wash away everything I am.

Beneath it all, I hear you scream in my dreams, smoking the shame and drowning in the blame.

And in the shadows of the sun, I come undone.  

Author's Note

Semi-inspired by the song Black Hole Sun by Soundgarden, please let me know your thoughts. It's not one of my best, sorry if it sucks.

Reviews

[....................]

you should never apologize for anything you write, Twiggy, for it is always a raw response to the things that inspire and move you... you have done a great job of integrating some of the lyrics and sentiments of Black Hole Sun in your poem while conveying the feelings of shame, blame and hurt which leave the speaker completely undone...while the reasons vary, many of us have come undone at some point or another... good to see you back writing...well-done

[Emily]

I love the wording!
Keep it up!

[Bear]

Ever wonder just how many people have felt like this at one time in their life? I would bet most if not everyone has felt this. You descriptions are so powerful they almost defeat the will of your readers, taking them along with you on this journey. Fantastic, I can already see you writing lyrics for a major record label in the near future, you could be the next Paul Williams :~)

[Cherry Pepperweb]

Very nicely done.
This is one of my all time favourite songs.