Broken

Love is a movement --- it has to come and go.

My heart beats the unspeakable,

As it sings, it carries my soul ---

Cascading like a strong waterfall,

As the wind blows, it takes my all.

 

I see you here beneath the light,

With my eyes closed, you’re still in sight ---

But why fate, when I tell him hi,

He turns around and waves goodbye?

 

My heart beats the unbearable,

As it cries, it breaks my soul ---

Pounding like a thousand rainfalls,

As the gale blows, there goes my all.

 

Reviews

[Walker Andreasen]

Yes, yes. This does suck. I concur. You have thrown so much emotion in 3 stanzas. At first it's wonderful, glorious, and desirous. But then what's this? My chance has come to show my emotion but rejection. My favorite part is when you re-wrote the first stanza, which showed love and longing, to show unbearable sorrow and self pity. Good write. I enjoyed this.

[Endeavor]

Thank you very much for reading. Well, girls really hit the pavement harder when falling and failing in love. :)

[just Penny]

You describe being broken perfectly, along with all the emotion and wreckage it leaves to be contended with. I think the final stanza has the most impact, although the word "as" which starts two of the lines in stanzas one and three I think are unnecessary and could be omitted, but that's just me. "My heart beats the unbearable" is a great line. Well written. Penny

[Endeavor]

Thank you very much!

[Condos Deal]

I get it. The emotion is raw and sometimes love is raw. You have beautifully described the pain one feels right when they are in the most intense part of their break up. I like the stanza's "cascading like a strong waterfall" and "Pounding like a thousand rainfalls"

[Endeavor]

Thank you very much!

[Aayushi]

Too emotional and sad. It did sound like coming out from a broken heart. Heart touching...