Blur

The world races by,

Oblivious to its inhabitants,

Oblivious to me.

I rest my head against the cool glass of the train car window, 

dizzied by the jarring rattle and the blurring scenery 

flying into the distance.

I close my eyes, willing my fingers to squeeze more tightly together 

to prevent the sands of time from slipping 

out of my grasp.

If I have learned anything, it is that life is fleeting.

But it is beautiful.

Oceans are formed by drops,

Earth by clumps of soil, 

Forests by seeds.

Maybe I am no less important. 

Reviews

[Ray]

Fantastic read! One little thing about the structure of the poem - try and mirror stanzas 1 and 6. Drop the "are" are oceans and find a way to extend the second line in S6 or try to shorten the second line in S1 to have the same number of syllables (and do the same with line 3). I think that'll make you think a little bit about those lines and really make them concise or detailed which would be that much more impactful. Great thought in that content though.

[Persona]

Very nice, but maybe too simple as it is just one basic idea.

[Inda]

Maybe you are just as important indeed. Great job! Love it!

[jen]

I like to browse the new writing section and your poem is an example of why... I really identify with the feelings illustrated here....life seems to move so quickly that it is easy to feel more like an observer than a participant... It sounds cheesy, but we are always connected to each other as humans so we are always playing an important role..and i think that really comes through in you words...good job

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i really like the last line...life passes by quickly and we are a small, but meaningful part of the blur...

we need to remember that...we matter among matter.


jacob

[CreativeStroke]

I liked this one Emily. It is so true that life is fleeting. We most take hold and enjoy the ride. Taking in everything we can and being thankful for what we have and what we get to experience along the way.
The imagery of the train ride and the fast-passing scenery was beautifully done. I always love your descriptions. Another fantastic write from you! Deserves 100/100 from me!