Rose Red

How fragrant doth love's rosebud blooming rise,
soft garden scent devotion will not hide,
the knowing sorrow absent from your eyes,
dew beads a tear 'pon petals opened wide.

Upon the stem white blossom still doth bleed,
shy virgin expectations boldly grasp...
unplucked, desire ignores our blushing need;
degloved we trust to fate with wetted gasp.

Red bliss, within an alabaster sea,
defiant still from sin's conformity;
commitment painfull, offered willingly,
insistent by no other name to be.

Within this garden white, red passions bloom,
Love's bouquet lives beyond the night's dark gloom.

Author's Note

Inspired to write the way I learned poetry as a teen... an attempt at a sonnet... I still prefer the modern free verse... I hope it is enjoyable to some readers.

Reviews

[ms. barrie]

wow is right! what gorgeous imagery! very creative write depicting
red roses' story, that your words weaved a poignant tapestry.

I'm not a fan of writing (trying) to pen sonnets or what not,
but the amazing effect of the pleasing fluidity of your words
is a delightful read & quite impressive.
Thank you for sharing this gem!
~ x - barrie

[David Scott]

You are kind. Thank you for the encouraging feedback.

[Rachael Lea]

Wow this is really beautifully painted. Very creative. I like this a lot. It would make a beautiful card. Great work. I know what you mean about free verse but this is still lovely none the less.

[David Scott]

Thank you for the encouragement. I took this poem on just as an academic exercise. Then, as most often happens, when we give something our time and effort, deep meaning found form...

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

So building until the end....
full of color and life.
Brightening the gloom!

[David Scott]

Thank you for taking the time to read and comment.

[Josie E. Cook M. A.]

You are Welcome. Have a great day, too.

[Tomás Ó C..]

I prefer this type... it might well be Shakespeare!

[David Scott]

Wouldn't that be grand...
Thank you very much.

[...]

A little side recreation for your creative out letting I see :) It's beautiful. You always have rich vivid imagery no matter how you choose to express it. Reads like a heart-song, my friend :)

[David Scott]

Too many hours locked up indoors because of the snow... ha.
Thank you dear Lynn.

[...]

Ah, well, perhaps you should be "locked up" more often :)

[David Scott]

Ha. Don't get any ideas. ;p

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i too prefer free verse...but i liked reading this because it has a nice flow but doesn't sound sing-songy to me...and i like the story...the flower, the rose being deflowered...willingly but at the same time with regrets.

[David Scott]

Thank you for reading Jacob. I too enjoy the emotional freedom of "free verse"... It seems more authentic to my internal voice. Still, a little discipline from time to time can be a freedom of its own... (No shades of "grey" intended).

[jacob erin-cilberto]

that is true...

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

I love this.. and I don't give a crapola 'bout counting this and that...
Or fitting anyone's mold or idea of correct..

You write from the heart... and your rhyme has reason...
Well done !!

Jazz...♥

[David Scott]

You are sweet Jazz. I actually enjoy learning and invite those who know the ins and outs of poetry to help me. I gave this write a little edit and I like it much better.
So glad you enjoyed the expression.
Much love to you.

[J.J. NIGHTINGALE]

..........You are welcome..........................♥ ..

[softlyfall]

You jump back and forth between iambic and trochaic (many do who mistake counting syllables for counting meter feet)
how FRAgrant DOTH..
FRAgrant IN...
WHITE upON..
unPLUCKED deSIRE
etc.
but that doesn't seem to detract overmuch. Also, in traditional sonnet, the volta (the last two lines, the couplet) must make break from emphasis, or even diametrically oppose the rest thematically. For instance, the volta would deal with rise petals dropping/ love fading...or simply love maturing past the carnal rush of the first fall. THAT being said, I still loved it.
The language is lovely, the sentiment compelling.

[David Scott]

Thank you very much! I find this helpful! I will have to work on this a bit. I see your points well.
However, I did attempt a contesting in the last two lines... From a blooming fragrance to a lingering bouquet long after the Rose had bloomed. Maybe too subtle.
Thank you again for the informative review.

[softlyfall]

No not too subtle...I was being obtuse, I fear. I apologize

[David Scott]

No need at all. I welcome critique. This is perfect. I have no formal education in literature or poetry. It was all science, math, with a little music... Thank you sincerely.

[David Scott]

Please read this edited version. I think I may have improved the poem a great deal thanks to your help!

[softlyfall]

Perfect iambic pentameter, excellent edit. You must be a natural.

[David Scott]

Ha. I'm coachable. Always willing to learn. No pride here...

[David Scott]

Oh... Did I say thank you? 😉

[Corset]

some of us still love the old style of sonnets, rhyme and romance, metered or otherwise, well done!

[David Scott]

Thank you Corset. I'm a little out of my comfort zone... Glad you enjoyed it.

[Corset]

bah, you made it look easy :)

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

Being a fervent lover of meter and rhyme, I, of course, love this. Form is as much a part of the poem as the content itself. You have mastered both. The finale lingers like that fragrant bloom long after the words have ended. Very nice!

[David Scott]

I am humbly honored. Thank you very much. I honestly had no clue how this might read to the "audience"...

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

It reads like a gem, with all of its facets sparkling bright. :-)