Other Than You

9/19/09

I don’t feel like doing anything.

I don’t feel like saying anything.

I don’t feel like thinking

 

about anything other than you

 

for the thought of you is so hopeful.

The way you look at me says something.

The way you take an interest in the things I do

 

makes me think that you’re feeling something.

 

It’s indescribable just why I believe in this.

It’s indescribable why I believe you think of me.

It’s indescribable why, but let me hold on

 

to some obscure hope for a while.

 

I long to see you now.

I long to be with you now.

I long to tell you

 

that I can’t stop thinking about you.

Now how about you?

Reviews

[Stephen Scaggs]

Dear Writer,

Thank you for the read request. Thank you for sharing this piece with the readers, or me. This poem is nice and is crafty in it's layout. I can understand the basic theme of longing for one, but I feel a lack of depth input.

Delving into the momentum of this piece, I'd like to say that I don't think the visual aid best helps one to understand the piece. I love the repetition. "I don't feel like... It's indescriabable... I long..." Good parts to emphasize are those in between the stanzas. Flow is on, but I feel a lack of rhythm in lines 19-21 (including empty spaces.) Describe more in detail how one longs to see you, like... "I long to see you like the sunrise. I long to be with you at the end of the day. I long to tell you that I can't stop thinking about you." Of course, reword it as you please. It is your poem. I didn't find any grammatical errors. Structure is good. Chicken is good (lol. I love using the word good.) Anyways, good poem overall. Just make sure to work on depth.

Good overall poem. Hope you'll always keep writing even when the frameworks of reality wear and tear on you. 9.1/10.

[Hollywood]

The repetition throws me off a bit but overall it is well written. Good job.