A refined taste

Meh

Hold the smile
With a crowd of frowns.
Bare the weight
Of each sin carried.
Their moral is best
As your reflection dies.
Gain hope within a hollow shell.
You only need with what you give, limping as you hand each helping out. Becoming less, hoping a return. Rejecting with a finer taste, as the throat closes. Your taste will end you, only too deplinish amongst slobs, handing out the last piece.

Reviews

[afish]

Hi Semaj - I'm sorry to hear that you hate your work. You should try to be a bit more loveing, critical but loving : ). This poem is like a bird that hasn't quite succeeded in getting out of its shell. It just needs some more time and sweat.
Whoes 'moral is best'? Why the long lines at the end? 'too deplinish' ??
As I said with more work it could fly?
Go well
>

[Semaj]

I tend to write how I want too feel so as it goes it goes too longer amd longer. Yes its not something that would at all be anything of use but the feeling of someone losing grip. (Again dont recommend but still thought it was a neat touch). Thank you.

[Semaj]

But agree it need refining.

[John the Baptist]

A philosophical piece here, possibly of the stoic variety. The speaker seems to believe in grinning and bearing it all, sucking it up in the face of hardship. Death is coming to all of us, so one must carry on in the most moral way possible. It comes across as a noble code, reminiscent of Marcus Aurelius, until near the end, where it is said that the finer taste will "deplinish amongst slobs," a seeming bitter note. Nevertheless, it is a fine philosophical effort, something we don't often see here.
PS: Do a spell check on deplinish and on the first word of line 3.

[Semaj]

I do try but as I was once told, "words arnt defined as you mean". Glad you got the most of it. Thr final part was hinting as the part was a constant weight building beyond his control.