Before Metaphors

Before the metaphors and metal forged

I sat ignored and lonesome

alone and broken

Groanin' in an ocean of token defeat

rote motions

dead feet

My feats retreat

bleeding dreams and fleeced sheep

eaten lacking wheat

a sheath for elite meat treats and bleep heaps

Driven deeper steeper

hear her cry when satellites fly

I sit outside and mind my own business

but in this bees nest I'm best before checks in reality

I'm a liability

to the masks of sentimental sentinels

brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry

Sodden grease and I follow she

all of me

falling free

solemn freeze

I'm free-falling asleep 

Author's Note

Enjoy...!

Reviews

[The Iron Horseman]

I like the way this is laid out kind of looks like an anvil! This is probably your most accessible work yet, but still full of vivid images. Great stuff!
One suggestion if you want it. In the line ' I'm a liability for the masks of sentimental sentinels brandishing fundamental finality on the mantle of rivalry...' I would change the last word to 'banality' because it just clidks better with 'reality'. Try it and see what you think.

[apennylate]

Actually... I like that, hah, thanks for the new word... It is def' better in this instance, I would have to agree... Thank you for the constructive insight, Iron... I appreciate it

[The Iron Horseman]

You're very welcome, my friend. I'm glad you liked the idea.

[Joan Probst]

Great use of vocabulary, very descriptive and vivid. Keep it up!

[apennylate]

Thanks very much, Hale, a vivid and wonderful review. I appreciate it

[Kevin Coulson]

Yeah this is great. It has a great rhythm to it and it's fun to read.

[apennylate]

Thanks, Kevin, I appreciate it...

[Chris]

This is a spoken word piece that needs to be performed...

[apennylate]

You always say what I wish, Chris... If only, if only... I should perhaps look more into that around my city... Not sure I would be very good at it, though...

[Chris]

It takes serious practice with a person's timing and delivery... clarity counts as well. But once you do it you'll never want to stop.

[apennylate]

I actually practice every day, write and spit my own rap, I freestyle as well... Most of my pieces ARE freestyles, heh... I will say you are absolutely right... I never want to stop... It is mostly to just help my writing, though, not sure about the rest...

[Chris]

THAT is what it takes...

In your area - use the web to find groups, clubs, venues... local art and poetry gatherings...check the social sections of the papers...etc.

[apennylate]

Aye, I am aware... I just do not think I am good enough for that kinda stuff... Perhaps, though, I appreciate the encouragement...

[Chris]

Well, check out the local colleges for poetry, slam, drama, theatrical courses... make friends and try out!

[apennylate]

If someone with your experience and skill thinks it wise, then who am I to argue, hah... Thanks again for taking the time, Chris...

[Chris]

You? Why YOU ARE a Poet - of course... chuckling here.

[apennylate]

More than chuckling here, a good laugh was had, haha... I AM, I gotcha now,... No less than AM...

[Chris]

Laters....

[apennylate]

And a bountiful day to you, as well...

[emmajoy]

Reading your poetry is like riding a roller-coaster of where the heck am i going! You use language with such striking force, one's mind pauses, thinks then moves on none the wiser but on fire. Is that your brilliant doing or my inadequate understanding? Don't know but... will read on!

[apennylate]

Twice on one poem... Roller-coasters galore, it seems in the minds of my readers... Fire that is none the wiser... Definitely my brilliant doing...! Maybe a pinch of inadequacy... But I think that affects us all... Thank you, Emma... Read on...!

[emmajoy]

Re. roller-coaster: promise, I don't read others' reviews because here here to read your words! Guess i should have said that your thoughts meander ups and downs, round and arounds!

[apennylate]

Hey... That almost sounds like a... Roller coaster...! Haha, I do not read others reviews in most instances, either... No worries, I am actually flattered two people took the same ride...

[Great Aunt Astri]

Love it! Reading your poem is like riding a roller coaster, fast, mind-bending, smooth and thrilling. And all wih well placed and interesting use of words. At the end I started 'free-falling' 'too, not asleep, but with utter admiration!

[apennylate]

Loved the review, Astri... Was a coaster of mind-bending appreciation... Smooth... Thanks very much...

[andrew mitchell]

When the mind is busy in mind chatter its nice to freefall into sleep. I like it!

[apennylate]

Sleep is the best remedy to... Everything, hah... Thanks, Andrew...!

[Krutika]

Free fall indeed.. But the one that rattles the senses! The words served their purpose my friend👍

[apennylate]

I am glad, friend... Thanks very much... A rattling fall of freedom, good idea...

[CAPOLAVORO]

As always, yours is truly powerful and this time more emotional. Almost cried reading it. Truly wonderful. :)

[apennylate]

D'aw, Cap... Do not cry...! Hah, I appreciate it, thanks very much

[Brett Hernan]

A powerful rendering of an amplified emotional self-obfuscation with the use of incredibly vibrant and expansive word play. This piece really fleshes out out an expression of emotional and mental conundrum intensely and entirely with it's own uniquely personal beat.
Thank you, Silente, for it, (and for pointing it out to me!)

[apennylate]

Oh, jeez, Brett... You sound like me...! Hah, thanks very much for the well-rounded and intelligent summary of perception... Is is uncannily accurate...! You are welcome, and thanks again for the wonderful words...

[Brett Hernan]

Your work very much reminds me of my own, (at about what I am estimating from your photograph, is your age, which I can only assume from the image which it contains that you are on the side known as 'fairly youthful'
(And lucky you!)
Some of my earliest work I was reading a few days ago, on Saturday, and the only major difference was that your poems were distinctly longer, contained greater insight and depth of expression, far more fluid use of syntax and grammar, form and vocabulary dynamism and make actual logical sense, whereas mine, were pretty short, repetitive, and altogether, quite dumb!
(Oh well, you have to start somewhere!)
Danke Shoen!
Buenos noches, mi compadre.

12.49 AM Australian Eastern Daylight Time
Wednesday, June 14, 2017.