If love is an illusion

A Story by DylanConnell

A head full of acid fed the moment, I put it in my mind that I had discovered how to exist within the flashing seconds and experience them to their fullest extent, coming to be within them. In those moments I knew one thing with more certainty than anything I had known in my life. I loved her, and everything had built up to that, the repression of my passion was freeing itself and I had to see her, nothing in the world was more important to me in those passing pieces of time then just existing with her, within the moment in its purest form. My heart was racing to the Gorillaz soundtrack in my car stereo and the world swirled around me in rhythm with the harmony. I had to see her, I had to tell her, I understood it all, I didn’t need to make this woman my object or my possession I just needed to show her the way in which I treasured her very being. The car blasted through space until she came into existence. It was like time stopped, she filled the darkness with a golden glow and her very presence invigorated my soul. With her I felt unstoppable, like my dreams could come into reality like I could stare into the sun without going blind. But I expressed it like a fool, the words started coming into being, stealing the truth out of my head and turning it into some dreadful jabber, dying without meaning, and decaying in the silence. It was torture like watching the most stunning dusk and lacking the skills to draw a decent picture. Even before she spoke I knew that what dwelt within me was an isolated sentiment, lacking reciprocation. My very core throbbing, I practiced an exercise in futility attempting to show her what was trapped in my imagination. She told me I only thought I loved her and that what I felt was a fallacy. That she didn’t have the time for me, couldn’t manage another thing on the list… Were told to chase our dreams but mine became a nightmare. The rejection triggered a wave of reckless sorrow. It was as if I had a handful of sand, grasped it to hard and watched in horror as it drained from my hand. She left my passenger seat and as the smoke absconded from my car the world began taking on a wicked ambiance. Dim was the light in the darkness similar to the good thoughts seemingly absent in my turbulent mind. I felt trapped like an animal running in circles trying to escape a cage. I now had to let the most beautiful thing Id ever experienced die in order to continue life with the hope of finding it again.