Long Night

Visiting family

I forget that I hate her, though she acts the same as ever

It feels good to have a mother for awhile

Another place, another time, no transition

Well, that I'm aware of

An overly elaborate deck

My aunt's house? A parody of it, maybe

I never ask what I'm doing here alone, or at all

Some reddish creature streaks from the woods and my hands won't respond to me

I fumble with latches

I struggle to swing open the small doors

I'm perplexed by sliding glass

And I feel... perhaps I'm aware of, really, the bite of too many teeth

Another place

No segue

Mother and wolf forgotten 

Because this part is, well, what I hope for when I lay my head

Skin I've wondered about

Featherlight touches, cautious, and courageous changes of pace

The confidence of inconsequence

And like so many others, in this place

She doesn't say the things 

I know she'd say

Which suits me just fine

The way of things, though

No completion, satisfaction

No motion to leave, simply elsewhere already

I rush and run, tireless

I don't even know if I have to breathe

I stumble into the classroom and there's no bell

Where have I been every day?

I offer no answer

My fate? It's in nobody's hands

I'm not praying for a diploma, this time around

Why was I hurrying in the first place?

I don't remember leaving there, either

I can say and do as I wish

I wish I could stay and see where my choices take me

But that right is reserved for the waking

Dreams, to me

Are a terrible tease

The ways things could be, could have been

If I was really free

Reviews

[What happened to simple..]

woah, erm this brought up some sadness in me.. something to do with the mother. I adore the beginning, up until you're in school, captivated me and I didn't want it to stop. Something really old-town goes over again and again no matter the years that pass, it's sad. And I agree, the end is just so plain truthful, and the last line, filled with such longing, man I hate that. Something so out of reach, nowadays, freedom. Great write, sad, so meaningful..

[Hayley]

Nice beginning, middle, and end. I especially like the end because it definitely validated my sneaking suspicion that this was a dream, confusing with a touch of reality. It's odd, really, how the brain works while dreaming, fixing problems and mixing everything, past, present, and future.
I mean this piece is a little choppy, but hey, it's a dream, right? :)
The first stanza appealed to me because I realized that is how I feel in certain situations, but have never been able to really describe it. The dream was captured in the right format, so bravo on that!
The only constructive criticism I have is that you use punctuation to some degree, but you leave it out for the majority. This could have been intentional, but just watch out for that.
Overall, intriguing piece.

[Yina]

Wow you did a good job with this. I would read more of your work but I don't have the time to read stories so I normally don't, it's nothing personal just not really something I do. Good job with this though:)

[KATHY SUE SILLS]

THE WHOLE POEM WAS GREAT, BUT THE LAST 4 LINES ARE SO POWERFUL TO ME!