The Nest

A story I wrote about an ex and I, my sophomore year of college for a creative writing class.

I was lonely, that’s all, just an overwhelmed kid, confused on a road with a thousand forks ahead of him looking for some company.  There you were, a kid the same, oblivious to most, and without a second thought I approached. 

                Coffee, the modern day: we’re both broke but we can still hangout date.  It didn’t take much for me to realize we were both taking separate paths but you were just so perfect, with those kind eyes, and soft smile; I couldn’t resist trying to make you mine.  Conversation after conversation our friendship grew, we became more than me and you, we became us. 

                Before long, like predicted, came the turmoil.  Maybe it was my borderline sociopathic. anti-social ways, or your overly selfish indulgence in the party life.  Either way it shook our happy nest we had so carefully built, like a bird, straw by straw.  Making it loose integrity and us question its worth.

                As time passed we held to the fond memories of a happy place in that nest we once shared; although it had now collapsed, and we both, exhausted from building it the first time, were leaving it behind.  Wanting nothing more than a second chance to have those memories I so fondly held, I, foolishly, struggled to rebuild our once beautiful nest asking you to return.  You never did, at least fully; you just sat in the corner dreaming of more than I could offer.

                So now here I am, once again, just a lonely, overwhelmed, heartbroken kid, confused on a road with a few hundred forks ahead of him, looking for some company. 

Author's Note

Let me have it!

Reviews

[KAOlmsted]

"Either way it shook our happy nest we had so carefully built, like a bird, straw by straw. Making it loose integrity and us question its worth."
--I love these lines so much I'm not even going to tell you the word is "lose" not "loose" or that it should probably be "like birds" instead of the singular bird ;-)

This is some pretty good writing, Daniel; you clearly have a knack for it, and I am pleased to have read this today. Thank you so much for sharing this with us.

You know, it's funny how just a few simple lines can transform perception and make us seem more relate-able to our readers...for me, it was "Maybe it was my borderline sociopathic, anti-social ways..." I saw a lot of myself in this line. Self-awareness and honesty in writing is paramount to its success...and this piece is successful.

-kimmer

[Daniel Eckert]

Now I just feel like you are being nice because you feel guilty for being mean. Either way though, thank you for the compliment.

I have never been good with the difference between lose and loose. Yes you are right it should be plural birds... wait I thought you liked the line so much you weren't going to point out it's faults. :-D. Thank you for doing so, I appreciate it.

[KAOlmsted]

Daniel...we've just met, so I'll forgive your silliness *laugh* I never apologize for being truthful; if the truth is "mean", well...sorry for your luck ;-)

Seriously, though, this was a really good write, and I truly am pleased I read it. I never say anything I don't mean just to placate somebody. I hope you're exploring this site and reading what the writers have to offer...I can honestly say, if you go into my friends list and read, say, the first ten writers listed, you won't be disappointed. And then read the next ten...and so on ;-) This is such a great community.

-kimmer