"Lost" (Reprise)

This is a rhyming version of "Lost"

What happened to you

All weak and frail

You were so beautiful

Now you're a tragic tale

Loved them you always did

Now consuming you whole

It is you now I have to rid

You gave them your soul

Please again be mine to hold

No more drugs to steal you away

I don't want to leave you cold

But either me or drugs can stay

Make the choice: Life or Death

Don't let the addiction be a sway

I won't let them take you Beth 

Author's Note

Which do you like best?
Me personally I like the original but you might like this one better?

Reviews

[Decere Tiozon]

This is beautifully structured. It gave a glimpse of your situation; this poem is short and straight to the point. Yeah. I would like to see a tiny bit of anger. I don't know; if I were in that situation, I'd be very angry. The voice seems very hopeless, which I could see why. A person battling with addiction—it's their personal battle. And they would have to choose: between you and the drug.

[Taylor_McCutcheon]

I haven't read the original yet but my thoughts on this one is I really liked it but for SOME reason the last line felt so sudden and the rhythm felt off, but I couldn't explain why...sorry. Great poem!

[lissalovesyou]

I have to agree with you. I like this but the original is better.
Although this is more organized and the rhyme is nice, the original is more powerful and raw.
Of course, either one is still pretty good.
lissalovesyou:)

[Ana B.]

Ouch, a sad one.....loved it, beautiful yet tragic....very well!

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks, for some reason I'm better at writing tragic or horror poems.

[Ana B.]

You know, strangely i agree with you, most of my poems are tragic as well, i guess sadness and heartache is what inspire people the most...

[Jack Kennedy]

It definitely inspires me to write allot but at the moment I'm dry as a desert! I'll be back in no time tho. Hopefully I will be able to muster up more positive works

[Ana B.]

Well, all i can say is that every true writer has his inspiration break, all of my writing are written last year....haven't written in months....i'm more dry than u are :D, but i'm sure its temporary

[Jack Kennedy]

I hope so and your too. Dry spills are a pain!! :)

[Ana B.]

tell me about it..... :)

[jane kelley]

very sad tale.. but very nicely done

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks and I hope this will lead you to my other works. Thanks again :)

[IceWinifredd]

Very nice poem. I like this version though. :) I love how raw and in-your-face the emotions are here. It's very well-done.

[Jack Kennedy]

Thanks allot I really appreciate the reviews! :)

[Andrew Perez]

I liked the original version better. It's not that I have anything against rhyming poetry, but I feel like free verse is more suited to the material.

[Jack Kennedy]

I agree it was difficult to find the right words for this one. I felt more tamed in this one then on the original. Thanks for the review

[Brittany Zedalis]

Both poems are wonderful pieces in their own way.

[Honey-Bee]

This poem cuts to the heart as the name Beth is to familiar along with the problems of drugs she loved. Most time they will chose drugs as they have other emotional problems that the drugs seem to create a relief from.Terror grips me as I read this poem as I see another one bite the dust.

[Jack Kennedy]

thanks very much.

[Kasey Miriam]

I like the original but this is great too. This is more straight forward and the original is led by emotions. The way we write is based on how we want to covay the message well done to you

[Jack Kennedy]

thanks. i never thought of it that way

[Jennie Baron]

Perhaps I like the original better because in free verse the raw emotion is expressed better. Here, it was necessary to rearrange a couple of sentences from the natural order one would use in speaking in order to make them rhyme. Overall this is great. Keep up the good work!