Mushy alert! Mushy alert! Code red!

For my love..

For my love was faulty

For my love,

For my love was flawless, yes...

Tossing and turning over

My tears drop no more

What do I have left, but my ways

Beams don't burst in my eyes

The clamors have ceased

Their deafening dangers

But it's much better

Than drowning disbelief

Insomnia and dysentery

Still can't digest your cruelty

What do I have forth, but what you've left me

Beams don't burst and blind

I'm now alone, now a loner,

code red, duck for cover

Mushy alert!

You sound gentle

Mushy alert, you sound

like you are in love again

Is it just the same for you

I know it wasn't easy

I love you

code red! please stop it hurts

Code red.

Reviews

[¿]

Mmmmm.....
Bubblegum they think love is?...chewing at first, the sweetest flavour discloses and in just few minutes...swoooosh! Am saying it for the one who left you...... however a ray of hope always rises!! Something special awaits for you may :)
Thanks for sharing this :)

[Effector Prime]

I hope so too. Thank you for you kind and lovely review Tahsin : )

[¿]

You are welcome, already! :)

[Effector Prime]

You captured my remorse so well with your short anecdote... So perfectly well. You are something else. You bridged what I omitted in my poem. The ray of hope never "rose" however, but you were spot on even there. Hope was just forgotten. It needed to be brought back. Bubblegum... That makes such perfect sense to what she had done to me to her soldier

[¿]

Haha.... that's done totally unwilling by me...I mean that bridging....but am happy that Bubblegum made sense....Just wanted to bloom a joy in that dripping face... :)

[Effector Prime]

Aye the subconscious. The super watches

[¿]

👀...... :)

[Davidgeo]

Seven years later, I just thought I'd leave a comment. Just for kicks.

[Effector Prime]

I dig that. It's crazy innit noew

[Vol]

EP,
The problem is, NOBODY cares about your love. Good, bad, or indifferent. Love itself is a different matter. If you want to see how to write about what happens when you attach your heart to a ball and chain, read Keats' "La Belle Dame Sans Merci."
Vol

[Effector Prime]

Boo-hoo silver daddy

[JayG]

In common with the majority of your writing, this is a transcription of you complaining about what's on your mind as you write it.

Last August, for example, you say, "no protest left to give." But today, here you are protesting. 😊

My point isn’t that you shouldn’t “write what you feel,” it’s that because you’re not using the techniques of the poet, and are reporting and explaining, what’s in it for the reader? You say, “Still can't digest your cruelty,” but never make the reader know what YOU feel is cruel. You just mention it as-if-the-reader-already-knows.

People come to poetry to be made to feel, not learn more about how a stranger feels. So, make use of your feelings to write in a way that the reader will be made to experience it.

Poets have a superpower. With only your choice and placement of words, you can make someone you will never meet feel any of the human emotions YOU choose for them...if, you learn the tricks of doing that.

Think about it: When you read a poem, do you want to learn that the author cried, or, to be made to weep, as an entertainment?

Writing to express your emotions is an excellent way to work through emotional problems, but it is NOT entertaining to a stranger. And do you really want an unheard and insincere, “Awww...poor baby,” from someone who then shrugs and calls, “Honey, what’s for dinner.” ?

Poetry is a field under development and refinement for over a thousand years. So profit from that. Dig into the skills that will allow you to express your emotions in a way meaningful to the stranger. Learn the ways of reaching the reader on an emotional rather than an intellectual level, with a gem of a book like Mary Oliver’s, A Poetry Handbook.

Jump over to your favorite bookseller and read the excerpt, if for no reason other than to enjoy the little surprises she provides. If you do, my bet is that you’ll find yourself needing to read it all.

[Davidgeo]

Man, Jay, you need to diversify your hobbies. And stop using AI to "enhance" your reviews etc.. Stop the madness Jay, please, for the sake of decency... stop with the pretentious cringey d bag schtick. You seem to be a black hole of literary charisma. I used to think you were just trolling but... I've recently discovered you are doing all of this unironically. It's f*****g crazy man... you need to seek therapy.

[JayG]

And you need to learn to think. What's your point?

[Davidgeo]

Just be nicer to people Jay, it's not that hard. You can still be cunty while not being malignant, it's not impossible. You lack empathy though, so, I don't know if you have that in you.

[Davidgeo]

Why do you think someone like The Rock has suddenly become unpopular? It's because formulaic ad revenue seeking story telling doesn't work anymore. You should try and be more genuine, promote a more genuine type of writer immersion. You're still a d bag for this decade + long idiotic "writing coach" gimmick. Lean into that... own your faults... you might actually have something there. F**k face

[Effector Prime]

Poem? Who said it was a poem. The closest category was poem BAHA! Ain't no rules man. Ain't no rules. Be a b***h about it all you want GayJ

[John Sullivan]

Oof. I just got out of a relationship a few months ago... the battle of feelings even now. How we think we can know someone for so long, but see new facets of them after so much time... and our own mistakes. We are imperfect creatures. Good stuff.

[Effector Prime]

Ah kno ah kno... Imperfect indeed. Thank you for the lovely comment!

[DIVYA]

Reading the poem again, I thought how often and how badly we misread people. Leading to such heartbreak. Fine expressions, Effector.

[Effector Prime]

I know : ( She let go off my hand, and sunk for me. She wanted to save me from the thing that I loved about her

[Effector Prime]

https://youtu.be/trinU3VD1Zo

[DIVYA]

Sounds like such an amazing twist in the tale. I hope you feel better soon :)

[Effector Prime]

Thank you : )

[DIVYA]

If people love each other then why do they leave? What crazy compulsion on this earth drives them to do so? Many questions run amuck in my mind as I read the poem. Superbly expressed.

[Effector Prime]

It ran deeper than just crazy, Divya. A kind of crazy that loved me so much that it set me free. And in pieces. But what of my kisses? Code red she had said... When I was gentle.

[DIVYA]

Ah, now those will be hers to keep. And you'll have to cherish the pieces. I think it works out all for the best. We just have to let time handle it.

[Effector Prime]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tKcLmZz4sYY