To Be Blind

Often, I crave to see your face
Despite the fact that I am blind.
I can still picture it
But it's not the same as when I once had my eyes.

You stood there.
So beautiful, so stunning.
You took my breath away.
I could barely stand in your presence.

It's strange to have you gone like this.
The days seem to drag on.
Nights are barren with stale, old air.
I can't see myself anymore.

Maybe it's just me.
A silly blind man telling an old story.
But these were the days
I cherished most.

Those days
When you were still around.

Reviews

[paradise]

Amazing was a great story and really makes what poems are just stories told with deeep emotions and of course even more depth. I like the story it tells a story of a life once lived but it was great

[Noa]

Hello!

To start off, I would classify this as a short story rather than a poem. That said, I'd like to say that this is truly a fascinating topic to write about. It's very delicate, and hard for us (people with eyesight) to imagine, or think about, because it feels to unreal, and very far away from our reality.

Despite this large gap between the speaker's mind and the reader's mind, you have used some wonderful wording to bring the two closer together. Especially the third stanza paints a wonderful but sad picture of a man who has not only lost his sight; he has lost his love, and himself as well.

The fourth stanza feels a bit 'off' though. In the first sentence, 'what' is just him? What is his conflict? His depression is obviously caused by the loss of his sight, so him blaming himself doesn't make much sense. The silly part also completely throws off the sympathy the reader has created for this man up until now; he's clearly suffering, and as a reader you know that his problem is not silly at all. Then, what is this 'old story'? Tales of the days when he could see? It's not specified, and it is slightly confusing. It's also not clear what days you mean by 'these were the days', as the first 'days' you mention that could be linked to it, are the days of the third stanza (which is not something the speaker would miss, as those days were pictured as negative).

Personally, I think this would do great if you ended it after the third stanza. It would create a closing that makes the reader think: the speaker can literally not see himself anymore, but also his love (who could have reflected him in a way, or completed him) is gone from his sight.

After all that, I admire you for tackling such a sensitive topic and I think you did it justice. Good writing, thank you for sharing your work!
-Noa

[J.]

Very beautiful yet, sad and Grieving.

[Summer'sBreeze]

very beautiful i love it

[Initium]

I hate you so much for being so good at what you do.
grrr
XD
I really liked this. It felt personal, and I could relate to it easily. Thanks for writing it!

[Abraxasbird]

Like this. seems effortless, and natural, like an open conversation with a friend...
Im aiming towards this kind of style myself, good job, and i can definitely empathize.