Letter in a Bottle

for the Lotus Eaters group prompt #4.

There I was on that red dirt road--two weeks from anywhere--
walkin' along mindin' my own bizness when a glint of Blue caught my eye.
Curiosity may have killed the cat but I didn't have any better sense
and so I went and fished a blue-glass bottle out of the ditch.

It wasn't wicked waters I found when I uncorked that bottle

but a sheet of crumpled paper. And because I had nothing better to do,

lost on an old road in the middle of the day, I read those words.

 

I've wandered down this road alone
I've wandered down this road alone
Too far gone to find a home
I've wandered down this road alone

 

Too far gone to find a home
Too far gone to find a home
My bottle's empty and I am done
Too far gone to find a home

 

My bottle's empty and I am done
My bottle's empty and I am done
All I leave is just this song
My bottle's empty and I am done

 

The last line felt like a whisper on the wind--

a cold chill on the back of my neck.

I looked around and couldn't see nary a soul.

Not a house nor a barn for miles--

only Blue skies above me and red clay below.
I hurried my steps along a little faster.

Time to get on along to where I was headed.

 

Author's Note

I'm wondering if the narrative parts shouldn't be more spare. . . or a little darker. . . to contrast with the blues lyric

Reviews

[R J Askew]

I almost looked around alomst...it is the casualness of it all, could happen to anyone, anywhere. To find such words when you do not expect them would be startling. And there is a neat contrast between the lost reader and the form of the message in the bottle which seems to know exactly where it is. Enjoyed this. Makes me wonder what mischief I might leave lying around somewhere! I think there was a day in London when there was people left books lying around or something.

[garrett]

good emily

[Bear]

I like it... reading it did give me a chill; I rarely walk long endless paths but, have driven long roads on my own with my thoughts constantly flowing until I turned on my tape player to divert my inner thoughts.

The poem captures those feelings we all have from time to time... always on our own even if within a crowd. Yes something about the loneliness with your words is what I like about this poem.
Bear

[Ben Ther]

Very nice Emily. I'm always treasure hunting and it was exciting to think about what if I found this bottle with this note. Keep singin' the blues.

[Mark Pearce]

You've painted a beautiful context.

I want to hear that song.

[J. Hampton]

I adore the idea of it...!

I think I like the way you used "bizness"...it works with the bluesy tone of this.
toy with the idea of changing some of the -ing suffixes ti -in'
ie
: walikn'...mindin'....nuthin'

somehow "perplexed" seems out of place in this piece....and I would lose the last line ..

or change it to...
"two weeks from anywhere--"

love the notion and the blues in italics casts a deeper mystery on it ...

Blesssssssssss

[Tania Leigh]

Emily, I would leave the narrative parts as they are....I think it is a good balance.
This has a wonderful blues-y feel to it, and cleverly it is two stories being told here.
I enjoyed it very much.

[Richard McLin]

You have written a beautiful piece here. They way your words flow is awe-inspiring. It is not a long poem, yet with what you wrote and how you wrote it, the piece has a sort of epic quality, and I love that. Great piece.

Richard.

[Raef C. Boylan]

"and so I went and fished out the bottle." - this line felt slightly abrupt, jolted pace and tone; I think because, although your title provides the clue, seems like we maybe need to be told that "he glint" was a bottle at the time of discovery - does that make any sense?

I think it's good that the narrative and the Empty Bottle Blues (lol) differ in style - really reflects how startled our narrator is to come across these words and contemplate their fate in the shadow of the words' writer...out of place.
Also gives a nice emotive mixture...dark and light-hearted.

Pleasurable read, Emily - really gets the imagination going as the reader pictures his/herself on this desolate road, clutching the crumpled sheet of paper to their weirded-out heart.

Thanks for posting this.

[W.k.kortas]

I don't know if "spare" is necessary, but I might go for some short sentences to change up the pace a little in comparison with the lyrics, but that's just a suggestion. This is a smart, well-constructed piece of work, with a very well-conceived conceit and some nice use of repetition. Very nice piece of writing.

[Blindmikey]

Awesome poem Emily. The words break up and flow really naturally. Very well written as it puts me right there with even such a little amount of words. It's the essence of it that you've captured. Bravo.