I Love Xmas

My thoughts on xmas as a vulnerable adult.

This xmas has seemed so different to the other 42 xmas's i've experienced. I don't really know why. I mean i know why certain things seem different. My grandmother died 6 days before xmas last year and it wasn't a shock. She had severe dementia and then contracted a lung infection, she fought for a whole month. I sat by her bed in the weeks leading up to xmas last year and it wasn't exactly a jolly atmosphere. But this year, No one seems to have made an effort like before. I can understand ,what with all the politics and the cost of living but I don't think that is the real reason. 

As soon as the shops started putting out xmas things, so we are talking end of August here, I am one of those irritating people whos mind just switches to full blown xmas mode. I am the person who has made paper chains before the kids go back to school, i know it seems a bit over the top but I just love the films and the atmosphere and most of all the way that it bought the community together but this year.............well it just doesn't seem to have happened. Its less than a month to go before the big day and people seem unhappy, they have nothing nice to say. They have given up on writing xmas cards to each other and the kids don't know what a letter to santa is. What has happened? 

I stood watching a few workmen attemptting to unravel what seemed to them like miles of xmas lights i'm sure but really once they had been clipped up in the high street actually turned out to cover just the town square where half the shops have either gone bust or are a selection of charity shops and barbers. But worst of all they were the same decorations as we have stared at for the last 5 years. Every light in exactly the same place as before, a few flashing stars pinned on a few shop fronts, it is humiliating. As o the time of writing this there is less than 48 hours till the 'big xmas light switch on' by our mayor and not a single person i have spoken to either realised it was happening or the glanced up rolled their eyes and shook their head as if i had asked if Santa had been yet.

Our town recently elected a new mayor, we kind of had hopes that as he was barely old enough to drink a pint in a public place, that he may have had some new and quirky ideas for the town at xmas. I mean..... we are a market town with no market, 5 supermarkets , and a suprising amount of shops with names i cannot pronounce and a surge of nail bars and hairdressers. A huge population of the town community are old and in need of help and assistance but we don't have a single clothing shop, and these people just like me are afraid of technology and so dont own a computer or mobile. 

10 years ago the xmas light switch on was a big deal. The community got together and wore festive clothing, santa hats, ran stalls for the kids, had school choirs singing in the town centre, handed out candy canes, and Santa even appeared on a sleigh with a couple of ponies with antlers duct taped to their heads. It was a lovely evening and it really meant something but now...... Its like walking up a dark ghetto. Almost deserted as the road has been closed to accomodate the crowds expected, all 7 of them. That includes the mayor and his mother. The count down starts, 5, 4 , 3 ,2 ,1 and the mayor makes a big thing of pushing the button on the light box. Nothing, nada , not so much as a flicker. We are all still standing in the dark looking round. Most people have shrugged their shoulders and walked off to Wetherspoons by now. At least its warm and they have electric lighting with a few strands of tinsel to show it is actually xmas. 

I had a quick look in one of our local supermarkets to see what xmas clothing was available this year. 2 red t-shirts and a single jumper. Not a great selection to choose from. They still had bikinis hanging up from summer? WTF it was 2 degrees outside. 

Last year at this time , people were discussing xmas parties and what they should wear, pubs and restaurants were advertising xmas meals and treats, raffles and xmas eve events but this year there are hardly any adverts and hardly any effort has been made to make this season 'merry and bright'. Its almost as if society has given up and has just tried to do the bare minimum to get through the season. Parents grabbing elves off of shelves in an attempt to brighten their little ones spirits,But the issue does require a suprising amount of painkillers as the parents realise that this elf has to change position and do something interesting everyday until xmas day. 

 I'm sure the xmas trees are getting smaller, nobody even glanced at the six foot trees in our local garden centre. Both artificial and real trees. I prefer artificial trees as its quick and easy to put up and disassemble, and they usually come with lights attached. So cool. Baubles and tinsel are being kept to a minimum. I have scoured everywhere including charity shops but there is no longer the huge selections of coloured strangly stuff. Luckily this year the theme seems to be more traditional , which i love. The red, greens and golds are my favourite. So dickensian. I can see the charity shops becoming over whelmed with left over xmas bits and pieces  after its all been stripped down again usually by the 27th december. 

 I can't wait for boxing day when i grab a table in a local cafe and watch as present by present is returned with or without reciept, the recipients looking guilty and furtively arounnd them in case the giver of that present is passing and notices them. Its really quite funny. 

But i am still confused as to why people have become so disillusioned at xmas. We don't get much snow down south and i think that is a part of it. But it can't just be that surely. Even at my age , i make a big effort to decorate my living room and bedroom, just for me and my service dog to sit and enjoy the films and the carols on tv. We have our own presents under the tree. One for xmas eve and a couple for xmas day. Its great and i take great pride in maintaining a traditional seasonal joy, The advent calender. One for me and one for my dog. I prefer the ones with little toys in. They last longer. I am a 42 year old woman with the mind of a teen. I don't want to grow up and i have severe epilepsy so i take every day as it comes and i'm grateful for it. who was it who wrote 'Life is a Privilege not a right. ' I don't know now but they have got it spot on. 

I wish everyone see the world as i do. The people i live near do nothing but b***h, moan and whine. Mostly over stupid, petty stuff like parking etc They have no xmas spirit. Only one house in the entire street has gone all out and it looks amazing, the lights, the inflatable santas and snowmen, it does draw people from other parts of the town to come and see it. I tthink this year i have only seen maybe one house per street that has tried to make the effort. Its such a shame. Its hard to get into the xmas spirit when most other people around you see the whole season as suffering and not embracing family and friends but i will not get disheartened. As long as i can hold onto the spirit and try and pass it on to the next generation then i have succeeded. I can die happy. Preferably on a snowy xmas day. 

Author's Note

All constructive critism is welcome. This will be done chapter by chapter and slowly be made into a book on a selection of topics that i hope people will enjoy reading.