Grave Humour (Epitaphs)

old collaboration with dear Marie. may she rest in peace.

I-                The Dentist

Jim Beam was the best of dentists

His work was known for its brevity

He cured decay, rot and cysts

He’s now filling his last cavity

 

                             

(Marie’s versions)

 

A.Jim Beam loved his picks and drill;

  Many a molar he did fill.

  Now his coffin, as you see,

  Is Jim's final cavity.

 

                             

B. Jim Beam

     Did crowns and caps

     Bridges and braces.

     He pulled a tooth if he had to;

     Saved it if he could

     The years dimmed his eyesight

    And stiffened his fingers

    Reluctantly

    He put his forceps and picks away

    And waited for the final extraction.

    Now he rests

    In his coffin;

    The last cavity

    He will ever fill.

 

II-           The Crossword Compiler

Here lies the late George Tyler

The famous crossword compiler

He’s now here gathering moss

Buried six down, nine across

 

(Marie’s version)

 

George Tyler

Famous compiler of crosswords

Filled in his life's squares

Now he sleeps peacefully

Two down

Three across.

 

III-       The Fibber

Here lies Graham Wibber

The town’s biggest fibber

He always lied at will

And here he is lying, still

(Marie's version)

He never told the truth
When a lie would do.
Now he has nothing to do
But lie.

 

 

IV-        The Doctor

Here lies Doc. Whatshisname

Who reached the pinnacle of fame

He found a cure

But was not sure

So he tried it. What a bloody shame!

(Maries version)

Out in the east Texas town Wichita
The Doc asked himself "Will it kill; will it cure?"
He answered his question. In less than a heartbeat
The handsome young doctor lay dead on the floor.

Author's Note

No disrespect to the dead. just for a laugh.

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I did not know Marie & may she rest in peace . . . with that said, let me confess, I liked all of your versions better. But it's just like you & your gentle, modest nature, to let the other person shine while you take a backseat (((HUGS))) I only had one minor correction for the crossword dude . . . around here, we bury people six under. Maybe the soil is too rocky where you live *heh! heh! heh!*

[Woody]

hahahaha I didn't know that. here's the thing. at first it was 2 down and 3 across, I think. I was thinking in terms of meters. then decided to use feet and messed it up. the wretched guy's gonna come out at the first rain or else scavengers will dig him up in no time. I'd better fix that ASAP. thank you. too rocky :)
thank you so much for your sweet review.
Marie was a wonderful poet/writer and a woman with a huge heart. I urge you to give her profile a peek. you won't regret it. her last poem was kind of prophetic. I believe her daughter's left it open.

[barleygirl]

I keep forgetting how backward we are here, never converting to metric, despite many good intentions. I often try to remember to use *C when speaking of temps, but that's as far as my metric mind goes *smile* Please give me Marie's full handle on this website . . .

[Woody]

that is her handle. juste marie. easy really. scroll down to her review and click on her pic.

[barleygirl]

WOW! WOW! And WOW! I already started loving her from reading her profile declarations! That last poem is a heart wrencher for those who knew & loved her, I'm sure! Thanks for directing me to that beautiful spot of remembrance for the more longtime WCers! (((HUGS))) I'll read more of hers as I go along.

[Woody]

glad you liked what you found. I really miss her.

[James]

These are great Woody, as usual, hilarious. I think you did Marie justice, very nice.

[Woody]

thank you so much James. yes, all those who knew her certainly miss her.
as always, glad you found them funny.

[Shabeeh Haider]

Nice and entertaining. You kept up with your style of penning down humour.
I have a small collection of limericks. I will post them in the not to distantt future.
I enjoyed the Doctor one the most

[Woody]

thanks a lot Haider. a pleasure to know you like them.
I'll bee looking forward to reading your limericks. that's my type of poetry, to tell you the truth.

[...]

How sweet of you to remember a fellow poet in such a creative Woody style way :) Still funny even when you are being sad lol

[Woody]

thanks a bunch Lynn. I try to find a laugh even in sad situations. and Marie was such a presence at the Cafe. glad this brought a smile :)

[Taylor]

Enjoyed these, Woody. I don't have much to say about them except that they fulfilled your intent to be entertaining.

[Woody]

ta very much, Taylor. always a pleasure to see you around.

[Saad]

I personally loved Marie's version. May she RIP. :)

[Woody]

Marie was an exceptional poet/writer. I believe her daughter left her account open. take a look when you have a minute.
thanks a lot Saad.

[Saad]

Anytime. !

[Shannon]

This is too much fun. Going to have to write one for myself, I think! I already think old graveyards have so much history. Having something like this on one would endure many people stop by.

[Woody]

yes, wouldn't it be fun, though? I'm sure the dead wouldn't mind.
thanks a bunch for stopping to give your respects :)
glad you liked them.

[Stan Lee]

All very amusing. :) I liked The Fibber best. Must have been fun to write.
I'm glad Marie's writing lives on. I think her last post was beautiful and could even be used as a sort of epitaph for her. Maybe you could write one for her too. I'm sure she would have enjoyed it. :)

[Woody]

thanks a lot A. always a pleasure to make you laugh.
writing something about Marie? mm I might try it though, right now, I don't know if I could write something without playing the fool.

[forgotten_ghosts]

This is so freaking funny, Woody!
"Buried two down, three across" I had tears in my eyes!
The other versions are also excellent! I have to check Mary out!

[Woody]

thanks loads my friend. so glad they made you laugh. unfortunately, Marie passed away a few months ago. I think her daughter left her profile open.

[forgotten_ghosts]

Oh, I'm sorry to hear that!

[Insight "MH"]

What a magnificent write, it made me smile all the way, I loved The Doctor's part the most.

[Woody]

thanks loads Insight. appreciate the visit and I'm glad they made you smile :)

[Insight "MH"]

My pleasure.