Fatherhood

What kind of father will I be?
Not like my own, I hope

I would stare into the mirror
Eye red
Tears streaming down my face
Hands balled into a fist
"Not like him!" I would shout
"Never!"

But I wonder
Did he ever think that?
Did he ever promise himself the same things?
Staring into his reflection, just as I

Was he excited to have kids?
To fulfil the promises he made so many times
How did he feel when I was born?
A son
A boy
Did he to want to prove himself?

How did he feel
When he realised he failed
Does he hate himself?
A part of me hopes he does
A part of me hates him

What does he say in the mirror now?
"What kind of father am I?"
"How could I?"
Yes, how could you?
You broke your promises
You failed me

But now you've given up
Passed the burden on to me
Am I just waiting to be the monster?
I hope not

What kind of father will I be?
Can I break the cycle
That's continued for so many years?
I hope so

What kind of father will I be?
Not like my own, I hope