The Gym... a collection of Short comical Stories

From: Snookie

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 9:36:36 pm

I had no idea how vain and narcissistic you really are! It must suck to have no life and talk crap about people at the gym. Obviously there is nothing good going on in your life. GET A LIFE TRAMP! You're not cute, your SUPERFICIAL. Let's try going to the gym without the fake tan, fake b***s, fake eyelashes, and the ghetto prison style tattoos. Are you really that insecure about yourself? Have a good workout cause it's probably the highlight of your day. I've heard guys talk about you and lets just say it's nothing to be proud of. Everyone now will really know who you REALLY ARE..... ;-D



Dearest Snookie,

 Yes my darling sweetheart, I REALLY am that narcissistic. :) Your attempt at attacking me failed immensely for several reasons. 

1.) I don't give a s**t what you or anyone else thinks, says or knows about me, hence why I put my damn picture and email all over it ???? I am not ashamed of what I say, I do not care if people don't like it. YOU are the one who read it, therefore I am the one that is taking up your valueless time while YOU are crying about what I have to say. You really shouldn't let me have that much power over you because I WILL take advantage of it. Now that I know I upset you SO much, You will forever be my favorite person to talk about, and everyone I knows, favorite person to read about. It just tickles me to death that you had to make up a fake, pretty S****Y name in order to say something to me. Oh darling do I scare you that much, or is it just my prison tattoos....?? Yes they do some damn good flower tattoos in prison.?? Idiot. You haven't offended me at all! I thought I had ran out of things to write about at the gym but you have given me a new found drive to push on and keep going since obviously speaking the truth a certain little Snookie poo, wouldn't be getting herself all worked up. 



2.) I am absolutely so grateful for your gracious comment about my "fake b***s." They must look way damn better then I thought if people WITH FAKE B***S LIKE YOU, think that they are fake. I don't need to pay for mine babe.... and if you could see past your gym partners dick all of the times you are checking out what I'm working with, you would see that??? But whatever, I'll take "they look fake" any day. 



3.) There is nothing good in my life....? Oh WOW that one hurt. (sarcasm.) Don't quit your day job grandma, cause that one was a flop, fail, didn't work.... you are ridiculous, god you are so mean, I'm terrified. (sarcasm.) I have an amazingly fulfilling life that I love living... and I have a lot more to do besides "talk crap" about people at the gym. But boy do I enjoy it! Anyone who I talk about obviously deserves it. Especially you. So I'm not quite sure what you were trying to accomplish with that one but ok....???



4.) HELL yes my tan is 100% fake. I hate being in the sun, and as much as I wish I could sit around at the Starbucks in Carmel Mountain all day like you and then go lay out for several hours, I actually have a JOB, FRIENDS, ???.... so yeah I'd rather just spend 12 minutes and get s**t done! The last time I checked I was pretty sure that nobody cared anymore who tanned and didn't. So... you are saying your brown-a*s skin is all from the sun huh. Well damn, I wish I had that much time, and then again, I don't. FAIL. 



5.) My eyelashes- Hmmmm...I am sure I made fun of myself for these but I guess If you have to steal my material to try and hurt my feelings then so be it. I truly am flattered. They are FAKE and fabulous. I have been wearing them for years and I probably will till I am as old as you, and then I probably won't care how I look anymore.... So I got a good 20 years to go, don't spoil my fun hating harriet.  As much as I would love to rip off my eyelashes before I go to the gym in the morning, I'd rather spare the ones I have left and keep them on till I mess them up!! They don't run cheap these days! 



6.) Insecure.... I see now that I must not have ever felt you were good enough to speak to because If I had, you would know like the rest of my friends... that this is the very last thing I am. I LOVE myself like nobody's business.... and It seems to me that half the people you talk to in there have indeed, asked me out.... several times.... I don't even need to proceed further with this one because you contradicted yourself in your pathetic attempt at insulting me. Narcissistic and Insecure huh??.... DAMN I got skills If I can manage BOTH of those at the SAME time! Wow, you give me way to much credit sunshine. Perhaps, since you have so much time on your hands, you should go back to school and learn how to speak correctly. MAJOR fail. Retard. 



7.) Oh I am so sad. I sure hope you are joking when you say that the men at the gym don't say nice things about me?? (MAJOR SARCASM) Listen here FUGLY one, I don't give a ^&*( what ANY of them say about me??? REALLY!! I have more people asking me out there then you have wrinkles on your frog face. SO if you and your friend who had to help you write that Insist on writing silly things, please try and make it a little better than that you little stalker of married men! Woman, you need JESUS! 



So you see my dear, the joke is on you. You haven't accomplished a thing but to help me create some wonderful reading material. Thank you for taking the time to read what I had to say about you. How about this... The next time I see you, I will make sure I come say hi to you! ;) And you are right, THIS was the highlight of my day! Thanks. 



Sincerely,


  -Life