Desperate

Depression, Insanity, Desperation,

The screams echoed all around her,

Tormenting, haunting in a voice she can hear,

Screaming things in her ear,

Afraid to move forward,

Always looking toward,

She felt her insides squeeze,

It’s not a simple breeze,

Blood was all she saw,

It was the last straw,

His voice inside her head,

She was misled,

Desperation settled in,

This was the beginning.

Author's Note

I wrote this from what I felt. I hope I did alright with it.

Reviews

[TheSweet]

Powerful feelings. The poem feels slightly claustrophobic and pessemistic. It didn't feel as real as it could have done though - very conceptual. Which isn't a bad thing, entirely. Thanks for sharing.

[Gracie-San]

I love your word choice and the simple rhyme scheme, but some of your lines were just tiny hints. I think the greatest example is, "His voice inside her head, / She was misled". Why is his voice inside her head, and how and why did it mislead her? If you expanded on this idea (or any others you might have), it could help the reader get an even clearer image of desperation than the one you already have.

Also, there was one line that didn't seem to go along with the poem and just stuck out awkwardly (at least to me): "It's not a simple breeze." What exactly isn't a simple breeze? This experience our something else that isn't mentioned in the poem?

I hope to read more from you and I also hope that I helped you!

[Coyote Poetry]

The poem is powerful. Desperation was alive and well in the poem.
"Screaming things in her ear,
Afraid to move forward,
Always looking toward,"
A strong ending to a outstanding poem.
Coyote

[Whiskurz]

I thought this was well written.....Good write....Whisk