I'm a psycho breaking loose

When there is death, and death alone

There will be nothing

Only darkness

 

To harrow is to anguish, to anguish is to torment

Screaming out in agonize

Trying to forget

 

It itches and it aches, aching that pursues

Evermore cause I, I’ll persecute and cut

 

Slow post-natal abortion put in motion

I’m a psycho breaking loose

 

Reviews

[Christoph Poe]

Instead of saying "screaming out in agonize", it might read better if you said "screaming out in agony". I'll be honest with you, I'm a bit confused on a motivational meaning behind this. (Or it might be that I've read this half asleep. Lol.)

If it's possibly psychosis, then I suggest bringing it to an entirely new level. If you're wanting to show us that by describing death, it might be best if you focused more on they love for death. Make us believe how beautiful it is to the "psychotic" narrator. Again, I'm probably really bad off, and as a result, completely headed in the wrong direction with this review. Lol. If this doesn't help in revisions, may it help you in future poems. :)

Just, let us see more desperation. Make this a bit more believable, in the end.

[FD.]

Thanks for your review :)

However, I'm not describing death and I won't rewrite it to make it more believable. Then it would be unreal, to me :)
I'm describing a certain feeling I'm struggling with, as in many of my poems. I'm dealing with a lot of anger and frustration. My thoughts and feelings are very chaotic and confusing to me, so I guess I understand why you're confused about the meaning.

I'll keep your view in mind though, thanks.