A drop of Happiness...

my attempt at putting my emotions into words..harder than I thought

i only see the things i don't want to believe
i am only told the lies so that i wont cry
i only hear what will bring me to tears
my only question is why

Am I oblivious to the things I know
am I almost aching to be hurt rather than well
I almost feel like I like the pain in which I dwell
like a canvas with no purpose.

I sometimes think deep inside
theirs a part of me that wants to be happy
I almost sense that happiness is what life should be
but them when i'm happy
I think this is not what I know
and I stop the happiness from standing by me

am I lost between my emotions
am i afraid to let go
should i stick with the sadness
because its what i mostly know

or should I leave the sadness behind me
and open up the door
so that I can feel confident
and let myself go

but I don't think I have the option
my mind only wants to dwell
only a drop of happiness
inside this darkened well