Something Real Pretentious

This girl I knew had been lonely…depressed. Reticent about getting involved in relationships…didn’t date for three years…She’d sit at home watching TV, playing fetch with her dog. I’d talk to her on the phone; she always sounded monotone and unenthusiastic. She’d never elaborate and gave yes/no answers. Even when she would put a few sentences together, she’d suddenly stop midway through, like she forgot what she was going to say.   When I tried to get her back on track, she’d say, “I guess it wasn’t that important, anyway,” and there’d be a long silence.  ..I wanted to confront her, but I wasn’t sure I should. I wouldn’t have gotten a sincere explanation, anyway; she was in denial. Just completely dropped out of life; didn’t stay in touch with me after a certain point. Left her answering machine on all the time. I kept leaving messages, but…I finally drove over to her apartment, but she wouldn’t answer the door. I convinced the apartment manager to let me do a wellness check, and I mean, nothing could have prepared me…She was sitting on the couch in her panties, watching Bugs Bunny cartoons. She looked catatonic…hadn’t bathed in a very long time. Her hair, which was usually beautifully coiffed, was flat and sticking to her face. Her eyes were crusty, dark, and puffy, like she hadn’t slept in days. Her face was pale and cracked, her lips thin and dry. The apartment was a shambles; dishes were piled in the sink, food was left out, and had spoiled. Empty pizza boxes, bottles of gin, and vodka half-filled or empty, broken glass on the kitchen floor…the place smelled of dog crap and sour milk. Her dog was lying on the floor next to her, whimpering pathetically. Near her, there was an open Ziploc baggy with a couple of small marijuana buds, an ashtray with roaches and burnt matches- I was totally freaked out- I didn’t know what to do. I sat next to her and held her hand. She turned toward me and the tears just…I was helpless. She put her arms around me, bawling inconsolably. I held on to her and didn’t say a word. She whispered over and over, “Why, why, why, why, why.”