Unhappy Aniversery
A Poem by Jessica
Sitting around the table
I hear a thousand names I don't know
We only fill our mouths
Awkward conversation is out
Dad eats my plate and his
Mom picks at her food
I sit with my back in the corner
Praying for my phone to buzz
Once we are done
We file out, Mom, Dad, and I
We get into our car
And go our merry way home
We get into the driveway
"Send Jess up with my jacket"
And we disband
Just that quick
Mom goes to her room,
I go to mine,
And Daddy to a car show he saw in town
Just like that
Welcome to the,
Unhappy aniversery
© 2009 Jessica
Reviews
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"I sit with my back in the corner" I don't know whether this means that you sit in the corner with your back to it or, rather bizarrely, that your are with your back in the corner. If the latter, then I am even more confused. If the former, then it's more usual to say "with my back to the corner".
"Praying for my phone to buzz" Buzz seems a little weak to me, I think you should go for a stronger, louder verb. As it is, buzz doesn't seem to cut through the awkwardness sharply enough.
Last, I think that changing the last line to "Unhappy Anniversary" gives it more of a feeling of a specific event.
I like the silence of the poem and sparse imagery (which may sound bad, but it really works well here. Empty plates licked clean, a phone sitting alone, silent and unmoving. It's really vivid.)
Great work : )
Posted 16 Years Ago
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Added on September 19, 2009
Author
JessicaIn the pages of a book, VA
About
Well, I'm a high school student that writes whenever the mood strikes. I haven't been on much lately, mainly because I've just simply been too busy with other things. But I get on when I can and r.. more..
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