You Probably Don’t Remember

Being estranged from my own child is devastating emotional agony which mere words could never express. No matter how much time passes the heartache simply won't heal.

You probably don’t remember…

Being cradled in my arms, me gently rocking you, softly singing until you fell asleep
All of the nights I read you a bedtime story and you knew almost every word
The trunk where saved things for you… the outfit you wore leaving the hospital when you were born… every birthday card you received… every picture you drew for me… the baby teeth you lost… your school report cards…. Your school pictures…. and many more special things (I even bought a newspaper the day you were born to give to you when you turned twenty)
How you used to crawl in my lap just to snuggle
The hours we spent playing board games or watching movies or listening to music or just talking while enjoying each other’s company
Sharing your thoughts, dreams, accomplishments, fears, happiness, sadness, sickness, disappointments, dislikes, dreams, goals, and plans for the future with me
You would say that you love me to the moon and back
You told me you missed me when we were apart
You being too busy to answer nor return my calls
You slowly stopped talking and sharing with me
You failing to contact me on my birthday or Mother’s day…not even a card
You calling someone else “Mom” and me by my name
You callously said I didn’t have to call you so much
Your cruel and vicious alienation of me from your life with total disregard of my very existence
That you are flesh of my flesh, blood of my blood and this will never change
I will always love you and here when you need me

Reviews

[ETERNITY]

Hi, I lost custody of my son, I was 15 and he was almost 2. I spanked him with a hairbrush after a night of partying and acid which is not an excuse but I spent years periodically trying to get back custody. Finally, I've learned his father, instead of helping me get custody like he promised, was always in the boy's life and prevented my every try. Anyway, the boy-man eventually left his good home and became homeless and has recently succumbed to drugs, Fentanyl, we presume. The community wrote beautiful epitaphs but nobody could save him. He died in 2025. I have just recently found out. Now the father says, "It's just us left, old friend." To which I responded, "F you. We were NEVER friends." I regret I couldn't help my firstborn son, I have 2 more sons, But we did meet when he was 24 and I had to make a choice between a relationship with HIM or PROTECT my other 2 sons I RAISED. He showed signs he's been around his real dad for a long time and that man was-is TROUBLE. So the son is now dead. Yes, I have regrets. But at least I know where he is now. Sorry this review is so lengthy. Thanks for posting your write. It's beautiful.

[FlaLover]

It's disheartening what some people can do to someone they involved with. My ex has done the same thing to my adult son. His dad walks on water and I am nothing to him. Rejection from your own child is more painful than mere words could ever describe. I share your despair with anguish.
Hold on tightly to your other children. Your loss and the void in your life will never go away but your other children can help ease your suffering.
I don't have any other children so it's devastating for me not to be in his life.
I will keep you in my prayers.

[ETERNITY]

FlaLover, Is Florida your home? My other kids are adults and have lives of their own. Thanks for the advice. I kept them home as long as possible. I think it's time to let go when the bay says, :NO mom. I want to move to Texas with my friends!" He was 19. I have 6 grandkids. All adults except two. I'm way too old for them. Funny how God works. Thanks for the prayers and vice versa :)

[FlaLover]

I consider Florida my home. I currently live in Georgia outside of Atlanta. Pensacola is where I grew up. The beach is the only place that relaxes and rejuvenates me. I love everything about the beach except tourists lol

[ETERNITY]

yep, don't blame you I lived in Fla briefly but was so small I barely remember crabs crawling on my feet. I think it's changed a lot.

[aliceenamour]

"I will always love you and here when you need me."

That sums all your feelings. Reminded me Whitney Houston's "I Will Always Love You".

[FlaLover]

Those words come from my heart. Maybe one day I will have the courage to send this to my child.
read moreThose words come from my heart. Maybe one day I will have the courage to send this to my child.
Thank you for reading and commenting.

[Chris Shaw]

I felt that twist of the knife in your heart. You remember it all with love, yet your child wants to forget. I am so sorry. As a mother and grandmother, I know how devastating that would be. An ache ran through this piece.

Chris

Chris

[FlaLover]

The pain is felt daily. Time simply won't ease my devastation and despair...no matter what I do. The absence of my son is a void in my life that will never be filled.
I appreciate you reading and your compassion.
Thank you.

[Chris Shaw]

I can only imagine that void. I am so sorry. 🌹

[Chris Shaw]

I came back for a second read. Your pain must be all consuming. I can’t imagine How difficult it must be. Sorry.

[Rosie C]

This is packed full of emotional depth.

The powerful bond between Mother and daughter/son is so deeply fascinating but also very sad when it becomes toxic.

This is breathtaking, remarkable and heart-warming.

[FlaLover]

Thank you for reading and commenting.
The alienation from my adult son has created a void in my life. The anguish is felt daily. I pray for the day of reconciliation.
I appreciate your thoughts and kindness.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is to have a thankless child" William Shakespeare from King Lear
But I can relate on a personal level having experienced this sort of ingratitude as a parent. My only comfort to offer is that it doesn't always have to last forever. My oldest child and grandchildren live thousands of miles away but at least they stay in touch now.

[FlaLover]

If I only knew what happened to turn my child (an adult but will always be my baby). Not knowing and not being allowed the opportunity to repair or correct the issue is the worst part. I pray things will change one day.
I appreciate your kindness and compassion.

[Fabian G. Franklin]

My heart goes out to you, truly. I offered a prayer of reconciliation for you and your child. God can move the most stubborn heart, this I know. Bless you.

[FlaLover]

I am touched by your compassion and thoughtfulness. I truly appreciate the support.

[Soren]

The pledge of a parent to a child whether now adult of not once a child to a parent always so. Most lovely

[FlaLover]

Thank you for reading and commenting. Oh how I pray for the day this emotional distance ends. I do what I can to not become bitter or depressed. My faith is tested daily but I am holding on.
I appreciate your kindness.

[Soren]

You are most welcome and may your day be one with the wind at your back and the sun on your shoulders.

[Thomas W Case]

Your love carries the weight of a thousand quiet heartbreaks,
and still it stands, unshaken, raw as a wound that refuses to close.

[FlaLover]

This distance between me and my child is the causing many issues for me. I am heartbroken, miserable, and angry. I am bewildered by the mere fact my child would or could treat me like this. I certainly didn't raise my child to be so hateful, rude, insensitive, and many more traits i despise. The bond we once shared i believed it was unbreakable. The absolute devastating part is i don't know how or why this happened. Every passing day the pain deepens.
Thank you for reading and your compassion.

[emmajoygreen]

Dear lady, what a sad - no, tragic time you've had. Tearing up at the thought of what is not happening, what might never happen. Yours is such an emotional, tragic yet fine piece of writing. Some might say that writing such words might be cathartic but what can cure such terrible agonies.

Hugs and hands held - prayers if you want.

[FlaLover]

Thank you. Absolutely want and need hugs and hand held prayers. My faith keeps me from becoming bitter and depressed. Maybe one day I will find the courage to let my child know how I feel without fear of rejection. Until then, I will continue praying and holding on to the happy memories.

[emmajoygreen]

Please, please keep in touch if or whenever you'd like to.

[FlaLover]

You are so very kind. I will most definitely keep in touch.