Manyme

A look back

  

  

I grew up rough,

   but didn’t know it at the time.

I grew up poor,

   but didn’t admit it at the time.

I was given good direction,

   but rarely took it at the time.

I had good and bad advice,

   but shunned the first, embraced the last,

      and damn well knew it

at the time.

I ignored street signs, talked in libraries,

   crossed roads between crosswalks,

      refilled my cup more than once at MacDonalds

         and never thought of payment at the time.

I’ve hurt people I have loved

                                                                  many times.

I have swallowed their pain

   and have a belly full of tears now

      that bang wet fists upon my innards

         til I stumble when I walk,

            til I st...st... stutter when I talk,

   til I wake at night frothing at the brain.

Why is the me not the me

   I wanna be when I can be

      so many mes with what I be inside?

         I hide so many others

I’ve never met,

    most of them must surely be

      so much better at this.

Most of me is kind is good is …

                  (sigh)

                                           not me.

In my life I have been many things

   I didn’t want to be

      but had to be

But the other thing was always

   Not available

   Not affordable

   Not within my reach.

So the many mes

   that I became were

      mes of necessity

         mes of the “quick buck” or

            mes of “maybe this will make me happy” or

               mes of “maybe I can pay the bills now” or

                  mes of “maybe if I do this I can be proud of me” or

                     mes of “maybe I can make enough

                         to send my daughter to art school now

                       “and maybe buy my wife a pair of shoes.”

I just saw on the news

   that one must retire from the Pennsylvania Supreme Court

      at the mandatory age of 75.

I’m not from Pennsylvania.

But if I were and were a judge in their Supreme Court

   I would have had to retire three years ago.

   That tells me something

      I don’t want to hear about

      I don’t want to think about

      I don’t want to know about

   or write about.

   or be.

Can I retire from being me?

   some time? any time?

      and still be someone? And not some one?

Yes, some me I never knew that never was that longs to be,

   that me who maybe will be me

      when time swings by again?

            perhaps.

Author's Note

Okay, it's not as bad as all that. I'm fine. But I wrote this over many years, in times of stress, in times that I beat myself up -- but don't do now. Often. Anyway, I polished it a bit then thought: this is one of me. This is more of me. This is Manyme. It could be Manyou.

Reviews

[ETERNITY]

Hi FlatDaddy, I was reading off site, going to skip signing on tonight...and what should in front of my wandering eyes appear? This masterpiece right here! Seriously. Isn't there somewhere you can send it to be published! I love it from first line to the very last line! I love how it's structured! It makes impact! This is unforgettable! It needs to be a plaque or sign. It is beautiful! Thank you for sharing.

[FlatDaddy]

Thank you. Feel free to make one. Sell it to the lowest bidder.

[ETERNITY]

FlatDaddy, I did share it on X and Facebook. I hope that's ok.

[Emunah June.]

It is the Manymes of one's being that are the building blocks into who we choose to become. You paint a very vivid picture of wondering what those Manymes might have been, what lives are behind them, and deciding if we should mourn them or be thankful we did not absorb them in full. You are a very talented individual, Keith, always.

[FlatDaddy]

Thank you, Emmy, but you may be slightly prejudiced. And I love it :)

[James J FitzGerald]

I like this.
I definitely get 3 'me's' right in the life's narration itself.

1.I grew up rough, but didn’t know it at the time.
2. I’ve hurt people I have loved many times.
3. I just saw on the news that one must retire....

[FlatDaddy]

Thanks, James. I don't recall having a visit from you before. Feel free to look around. I have a diverse collection of stuff (that's the best name I have for my, uh, "stuff,") I'm glad you get the various "mes" here, you'll' find plenty of them here.

[FlatDaddy]

amateur thinker, James? really?

[James J FitzGerald]

FlatDaddy. I found your poem using the Discover function. I enjoy a good fresh image or metaphor when I read someone's poem. I appreciate your talent with turning a phrase.

[FlatDaddy]

Well, I kind of like your talent with phrasing compliments.

[Chris]

To the "Author's Note" as well as the poem:

Keith, I recognize the Manymes that aptly fit within your views across so many years. I think all the listeners will as well. Made for a relevant and thought-full read.

Chris

[FlatDaddy]

Thanks, Gunny. You know I always appreciate your comments. You've become another brother to me.

[Samuel Dickens]

You know we traveled similar roads and sing the same tunes. To quote an old Peter, Paul, and Mary song, "If I had my way, I'd tear this building down!"

[FlatDaddy]

Yeah, I know, Sam. I think I need a new one, with sturdier underpinnings. My upperpinnings could use an assist, too.