How to Get Elected

I wrote this some years ago, but it was never more appropriate than it is today. I performed this in various venues in Texas; it should be read/performed with a "beat," kinda jazzy.

It takes big bucks

cause the luck's with the clucks
with the cash,
the stash of tucks in the pocket.
That's the socket, the clock to set the
rocket of success,
luck's best
with big bucks sucked in trucked in
shucked an' jived
by ducks in dives,
in smoke filled back rooms, company cars,
bars and stars
wave to wars
of campaign cashhhhhhh.

Politico's noses
shows they knows
it grows on bottom lines,
in gas pump lines,
and prices rise with doves' demise.

The war's the star!
and the star's on the cap
of the man with the cup
and the cup has the cash
and the cash makes the man
and the man is the company's --
and the company is measured
by all the men it keepssssssss.

If ya gotta go politico ya oughta know the rules:
It's the clues of the ruse
that the ruler rules the fools'
schools the tool that cues the jewels.
That's the cruelest rule of ruses,
raises rows of purses roses,
fills the pool of fuel he uses;
but the one who sings the blues's
he that blew the rule of ruses,
drew the cruise of gruesome bruises,
cries accrued until he boozes.
'cause the wisest rulers realize
the rules nay rule the rulers.
And the wiley ruler rarely rules
relying on his muses,
skews the views of queued abuses,
hews the noose of grue he fuses,
screws the few his crew accuses,
whose neuroses fire the fuses,
stews the boos, the don'ts and do's,
and the ruler who peruses
which issue best confuses
when he waltzes wows and woos us
rules the gooses when they chooses
or the news is:

He loses.

Author's Note

I used an accompanying soundtrack with one vocal track by me to which I harmonized with a combination of spoken and sung words. If you choose to perform it yourself (which I wholly support), do it as you feel it.

My thanks to Chris for a very small, but significant, change I made that reflects current affairs. No, I won't tell you what it is, but for those familiar with the piece, I whole heartedly urge you to search for it and let me know what you think it is. To be fair, I did "elongate" two words because that's the ways I pronounce them when I perform this piece, so neither of them is it.

Reviews

[bookworm]

What I find interesting about this piece is how you can almost feel a tempo/cadence? that escalates and drops (I am not a musician...not sure what the correct terminology for that sensation would be...)But there are definitive places throughout where this happens and the sensation became almost palpable in the last 6 lines...interesting that i read in your notes at the end that you had performed this to music...I can completely see that...

Its surprising to me, bc I don't ordinarily enjoy this style of in-your-face mayhem of frenetic political jargon, but this really works here. I mean, I'm sure it always "works" for folks who love it, but the fact that I found it palatable is atypical for me...Nicely done...John Stewart would tear this s**t up too, fo sho! (That's a compliment, btw...)

[ETERNITY]

Hi PhatDaddy, I wonder if you ever heard Alice Cooper, "I Wanna Get Elected"...
It's full of sarcasm and crazy metaphors.
Anyways, that's what I heard as I red this...in my head lol.
Awesome piece, FlatDaddy (;

[FlatDaddy]

No, I'm not familiar with that one. I ran into him once in Sacramento, CA. He was giving an interview to some reporters in the main ballroom of this hotel where my band was playing. He never mentioned that song -- but then, I never got a chance to talk to him. He was wearing jeans and some scruffy clothing, and he brought in a six pack which he consumed during the interview. I only got to see him for a few minutes; we were busy setting up for the night.

[ETERNITY]

that is so cool! I wish I could talk some more but I gotta jet. Later?

[FlatDaddy]

I'll be out a while

[ETERNITY]

I saw Alice Cooper actually at the gallows. I was fifteen and that freaked me out! LOL What a showman!

[Chris]

I'm still chuckling...

I had one small disagreement - "'cause the wisest rulers realize
the rules rule the rulers." For me - behind my eyes I still see - " 'cause the wisest rulers realize
the rules don't rule the rulers."

[FlatDaddy]

It seems to me, Chris, that today the most unwise, the most cruel, the most dishonest rulers just simply disregard the rules completely.

[Chris]

When you're the law unto yourself isn't that who the "Rulers" have ever been - chuckling here in agreement

[FlatDaddy]

I think it's better now.

[Chris]

Damn, right on Keith...Nailed.

[FlatDaddy]

Yeah, "don't" was just too pedestrian for me; I think "nay" has "panache," don't you?

[FlatDaddy]

Yeah, "don't" was just too pedestrian for me; I think "nay" has "panache," don't you?
(This is effort #3, to avoid the crash)
Effort #4
S**t! #5

[Chris]

I am having major login and account issues. You are not being ignored.

[S€H@J]

Nice. Rhythm I love the topic and how you covered the theme of big bucks used in political affairs

[FlatDaddy]

Sorry I missed you when you reviewed this piece. Glad you liked it. Only one big problem with it now: these days, it seems, it doesn't matter if you lose. If you've got the balls, and the backing, you can convince the majority that you won anyway.

[S€H@J]

Can't agree more with this.

[JessyJacob]

A very great write. I just thinking i can lesrm with you, kindly if teach.me i will bebgreatful to you.
Thank you for sharimg.

Jessy Jacob.

[FlatDaddy]

I've been away a long time, but now am back and have posted some pieces folks here have not seen. I hope you will forgive me for not replying sooner. I know I have neglected all of you, but will try to make up for it. I owe mea culpas to so many that I must first address all via a sad form letter of sorts. I will try to do better, and I truly thank for your kind words.