Dead Muse

This is the first piece I have written in eight years after an accident which forced me to quit my job, go on disability and stay primarily in bed. Things haven't changed -- except I am writing again.

    

My baby's all black and blue and broken,

  lying on the bed beneath me

  inside me,

Done in by ice

  and eight years of morphine

  that never ends the pain --

  but dulls the mind

  slays the will

  and killed my baby dead.

 

Mad pain's my one steady date,

  all dolled up in dopiness,

  dizzied dreams of what was,

  what is,

  what will never be

  and will never end.

 

Screaming in the night

  she awakes sometimes

  to whisper in my ear:

Sweet Nothings.

Sometimes she grins a little wicked smile

  then bleeds me back to druggy peace

  where I never dream of her now

  never see more than her back

  that fine a*s

  that's bottomed out,

  bequeathed to another by now, I'm sure,

  but still dead beneath me

  inside me

  pleading softly for me to call her

  "Franky."

 

So now, at last,

  bending to her perverse will,

  I think a quiet, desperate "okay."

I hook her up,

  a web of wires that link her

  to the fire in other's dreams,

  a frantic search for someone's spark

  to siphon off

  and pump her full

  and blow those baby blues wide open.

 

And now,

  dead eight years,

  I think

  perhaps

  just maybe ...

I think I see

  a smile.

Reviews

[Samuel Dickens]

I say "halleluiah! " for coming back. It's your story, not mine, so I'll not go into how I relate to this. People can change--I've seen it. Too many don't have it them to do so, however. (Just check the cemetery) It's my hope that you will use all that's at your disposal to be useful, both to yourself and to the world. (That's what I'm trying to do)

[FlatDaddy]

I thank you, Sam, and that's why I'm here. I do other things, too - just a smidge - to stiffen the spine. Gotta give those politicos hell, ya know?

[Gee]

Must be so difficult to have a talent suppressed by drugs just so that you can exist.
You and your pen are most welcome visitors at the cafe and must surely have been missed by those that knew you 9 years ago:)

[FlatDaddy]

Thanks, Gee. I am very pleased to be welcome here, by most anyway, but I am not so sure about those from before; people do have a way of dismissing people and things that have disappeared from their lives -- very busy, you know. No matter, I have another life now. I hope you and the girls are well.

[Gee]

All good here thanks:)

[Chris]

I came back... and K. I really do understand - I've been in this "limbo" myself for upwards of four years now. Welcome back.

[FlatDaddy]

I'm still trying, Gunny -- like you. Can Air Force guys say "Semper Fi"? Well, I did.

[Chris]

Of course you can - it is a greeting and a recognition.

[FlatDaddy]

Outstanding. BTW, I just sent you a friend request. Honor it or ...or... or I won't be your friend anymore! So there!

[Chris]

Well, "Golly!!" (Gomer Pyle voice)- guess I have too!! Chuckling here

[FlatDaddy]

Gomer Pyle? Damn, man, you're showing your age -- and mine, too, because I recognized it.

[Chris]

Yeppers...

[DESTROYA]

very haunting. i like this bc its so engaging and interesting. great write

[FlatDaddy]

I've been away a long time, but now am back and have posted some pieces folks here have not seen. I hope you will forgive me for not replying sooner. I know I have neglected all of you, but will try to make up for it. I owe mea culpas to so many that I must first address all via a sad form letter of sorts. I will try to do better, and I truly than k for your kind words.

[bookworm]

This is such a hugely profound write on so many levels. First of all, the fact that you were able to extract yourself from a morphine haze enough to put this together is remarkable enough. The fact that is so painfully real and beautifully expressed is just unfathomable to me. You're quickly becoming one of my favorite poets on this site... I can't begin to express how honored I feel to "know" you through your work...you are a serious talent, FD...I hope you continue to write as often as you can...my sense is that you're best is yet to come...and I'll be the first in line...

[Mary C]

you excel in every line.

[FlatDaddy]

I've been away a long time, but now am back and have posted some pieces folks here have not seen. I hope you will forgive me for not replying sooner. I know I have neglected all of you, but will try to make up for it. I owe mea culpas to so many that I must first address all via a sad form letter of sorts. I will try to do better, and I truly than k for your kind words.

[Raven]

This is such a sad story. It gives us a peek into your world of pain we can't even imagine. A very powerful poem. Good job.

[FlatDaddy]

I've been away a long time, but now am back and have posted some pieces folks here have not seen. I hope you will forgive me for not replying sooner. I know I have neglected all of you, but will try to make up for it. I owe mea culpas to so many that I must first address all via a sad form letter of sorts. I will try to do better, and I truly than k for your kind words.