Musings of a Mind Left Trapped

Questioning of social ineptness yet finding that niche where one belongs.

Socially, I've always seemed to possess an innate ineptness for co-existing with others that could not intellectually match me. Being such a terrible blunder has hardly eased over the years, rather the fluctuation has been rough transition periods between years and stages of maturity. There are very few that I knew as a child I can still greet with a broad smile and even so, those of whom I do still keep in contact with seem to exist on entirely different planes. Literature has always flowed from my fingertips as a pastime of all those unstimulated thoughts and ideas left to simmer in a lonely mind. To those who scarcely know me and, perhaps, even those who have known me for extended periods will find these musings and drabbles to be long-winded, pitiable ramblings of a contemporary quality that are best used for nothing more than idle entires in a teenager's diary.

Or maybe somewhere I'll catch a glimmer in the and spark a thought.

I never can tell with people.

These lonely thoughts that I tend to keep buried under lock and key where they justly belong every now and then manage to slip out of their prison and somehow take me captive, pressuring my head with these words I cannot ignore in good conscience and slaving my fingers over keyboard or pen until I finally get them out. Perhaps these words have been caged for so long they are expressing their will to be free and acknowledged. I should scarcely hope someone will take heed of these entries but even if I reach no one, the incessant pestering has departed my brain and will leave me once more in this solitude.

I stand in rooms filled to the brim with people, move brisk through long halls and chambers of educational institutes and am nothing more than a passing thought. That terrible ineptness hangs heavy on my heart and paralyzes my mind. There are those of whom I have become akin too. Some who are very good to me who I walk alongside of and tuck within my arms when they most need the figure of a guardian angel. Then there are those whom I suppose meant me nothing but ill-will to begin with but by this time I scarcely care what they should have to say to me. There are those whom I watch with a longing glisten in my eye, perhaps hoping to catch attention and spark a thread of conversation. I envy those individuals who seem to flock the masses with nothing but a smile and a wave, those who seem to effortlessly co-exist between all planes of existence at the same time. They flit back and forth at will and have no trouble communicating with a vast majority. Then of course, there are those on my plane. Yet it seems to be the ones who exist in this particular thread of the world that those who reach across all realms cannot seem to breach. This is my world. They cannot, do not, belong there. As I will never belong on theirs.

I think on wasted opportunity and scorn myself for ever believing that I had no place in this world but my heart no longer exists in this present locale. Somewhere along the line, my body and mind have separated leaving each other miles and miles apart. It is simply astounding how one can exist in two completely different places at any given time. Physically in one and in ephemerally in the other, living through the thoughts and musings of those they have left behind. Perhaps the question is not a matter of being socially inept, but a question of whether or not the place of residence is the destined land of happiness. There are those whom so scorn me for following my path, which so boldly dares to divide off of that road society has paved but in this they make a mockery of an ideal ingrained within those born in this particular country. There is no one whom so lives and breathes that is entitled to deny another their pursuit of happiness.

Life and liberty are mine to choose and, armed with these weapons, I'll carve my own path in this world.