On The Side Of A Mountain

This is a little story of two rivers and how they took over the world, lost control, and lost eachother.

TWO RIVERS FLOW                                      UP THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN

AS THE RIVERS MERGE,                      THE EARTH IS SUBMERGED

ON THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN

      AND THE CURLS OF THE FIRST

                                              TWIST PERFECTLY WITH THE OTHER'S TURNS.

                          THE WATER FLOWS SOFTLY

                      WITH A WICKED CURRENT PULLING UNDERNEATH

                             WITH SUCH A FORCE, IT PULLED THE MOUNTAIN

RIGHT OFF IT'S FEET AND THE SURFACE             

CAUGHT THE MOUNTAIN SO SOFTLY                              

NOT EVEN THE RIVERS KNEW IT WAS GONE                           

THE RIVERS, NOW AN OCEAN SWALLOWED THE WORLD

AND THE SECOND RIVERS CURRENTS BEGIN TO RUN WILD

                  IT'S WATERS ARE DRYING AND CHANGING DIRECTION,

  IT FORMS MASSIVE WAVES IN A PERFECT REFLECTION

                               AND THE FIRST RIVER STAYED, SEEING WAVES PERFECTION

AND THE RIVERS WERE RAPIDS, NO LONGER SERINE                                    

                                 AND THE RIVERS RAN WILD, FLOWING SERPINTINE            

AND THE MOUNTAIN FLIPPED OVER, CRUSHED AND CRUMBLED BY

WAVES                             

AND THE MOUNTAIN, NOW RUBBLE, CAUSED THE RIVERS TO

             SEPERATE

                          AND THE WORLD ONCE RESIDING

ON THE SIDE OF A MOUNTAIN

DIVIDES THE WATERS                             AS IF THEY'RE NEW

AND BEING                                                                            SO UNFAMILIAR

RIVER ONE NEVER LOOKED                                                                                        BACK AT RIVER TWO            

Author's Note

Read from side to side, like normal.
Tried to do a little visualization with the words to create a shitty river.
Comment/critisize/critique

Reviews

[Christoph Poe]

This is probably your best piece I've read so far, and definitely worth my review. I enjoy pieces of poetry with multiple emotions. This is written almost as a fable, or even a legend, yet has its own uniqiue way of storytelling all together. There are no direct signs of life, (nothing subject wise anyways) yet it's actually full of it. The organization of the piece is a bit hard to follow, but that's possibly within my personal preferences rather than on professional standards. The visualizations are breath-takingly simple, and some of the most powerful I've come across in a long time. They're nothing complicated, and I like that. We could all learn a life lesson from these two rivers, and that my friend is what poetry is really about.

99/100

--Christoph

[A Poet Named Garit]

AH! thank you! being that i feel this is my weakest piece, i'm appreciate this review very much! thanks again :)

[Doug]

Great work, I love it. It kind of makes me think of how some of my relationships, that I thought would never end are now dead, and we'll never talk again. It's so sad and beautiful.

[dannyjhydrick]

There is something tragic I feel coming from this and the innocence and even majesty of your imagery is so big compared to the tiny in-a-box-all-alone feeling I get at the end. Wording is excellent, creative and moves. This is a great piece and I like the shape, it complements the story quite nicely!

[A Poet Named Garit]

Thank you very much! :]

[marty360]

This is a great poem. I love how you have visually structured it, wonderfully penned Mr Garit.

[Luke Rawlings]

I think you underestimate your river. I would say an awesome piece. The imagery is not one I am used to and for that reason packs a punch. I love the structure, the words you use and the story's ending is one that made me audibly 'aww'. A good piece, well done :)

[A Poet Named Garit]

i definately feel like i could do so much more with this piece, the emotion i put behind it is so much more powerful than the words convey. i really wish i could just buckle down on it.
otherwise thank you!

[Jo Todd]

I really love your writing, amazing imagery and so different from the same old stuff that I normally find. Nice use of personification and love the unsual layout, very cleverly done. Love the last two lines, love the whole poem.

[A Poet Named Garit]

thank you :] i find this to be one of my weaker poems, but it has a lot of meaning to me, I just wish I could perfect it in the way that I want. :