There is No Light Tonight

“I don’t know which to hold onto tighter; my mind or my faith. I am struggling to keep grasp on either of them; they are both slipping away from me. Slipping, slipping, and slipping into the choking darkness, eating my soul.”

I take a step forward, hoping to go nowhere. I think to myself, Nowhere? That is better than this place. I take another step, hopeful that I might find this Nowhere that I speak of and find a certain peace from this. I ignore my extreme fear lift my head and I gently tilt my head upwards and I look around, not out of bravery or some sort of vigor but because I had nothing else to do. I had not found Nowhere but rather I was still here, in this damp cold place. I looked, and I saw nothing; nothing but the deep dark blackness behind the sheets of patiently falling snow. And with that glance, I felt them glancing back at me. I had accomplished it. I was there. I was Nowhere. I was out of Hell and back into my torment. Oh, how I missed you sweet savory taste of existence! I’ll never stray again!

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I awake in the night abruptly. I know there are shadows staring at me; all around me. The empty faces of the night sucking me dry. I walk slowly over to the laboratory anxious to find the light. It was an irrational decision. I did not think it through! I wanted to turn back, cover my face and go back to sleep but that opportunity had passed me. I could feel them already right behind me, crawling in, whispering things I used to listen to. They would reveal to me that knowledge that I shouldn't need to know had I given them the chance. I kept my eyes down, trying not to focus on anything. I was afraid I might see one of them; those godless creatures; faceless insects. 

I don't know how I reached the light, but I did. I had pushed through the darkness not with courage; not some kind of fearless vigor against all opposing darkness but with fear itself! But now the Light had filled the room, and I could hear them stirring, growling, whispering within me, around me. But my fear had subsided as a wave returns to the ocean.

Author's Note

I have literally dealt with this struggle personally. This is not a work of fiction, but non fiction that has been concentrated with artistic value. My therapist calls it schizophrenia, and I believe in science and psychology but I also believe in God and demons.

Reviews

[Dusty]

I have met some schizophrenic people before- nicest ones of many people I have met... Their alters sometimes numbered over 300... You are very brave to write about this state of mind.. I hope all is going well for you, and the story was amazing... perfectly described it all.. Nice job!

[Coyote Poetry]

The mind is a wild and crazy part of our body. Can twist us up. Your words ran wild. Till you savory taste of existence. I like that line. A powerful story. Thank you.

[Keli Renee]

Wow. This is really good, Gabriel. I know the struggle myself, as I have dealt with it often enough in my past; so when I felt like I was struggling with you, I knew it was a genuine feeling. You are a really good writer, and you should keep doing your thing. However, I think you should go through this and read carefully. Avoid run-ons: "I ignore my extreme fear lift my head and I gently tilt my head upwards and I look around, not out of bravery or some sort of vigor but because I had nothing else to do." There are places here where certain punctuations would make this piece even better. Great job!