Shattered dreams on bloodied sheets

Just another notch on the bedpost

She succumbed to perfected charm
from a honey coated tongue,
each lie to her a beautiful truth
by the louche, pitch perfect sung.

He knew another notch was carved,
the fourth glass of wine his knife,
a small room booked in a small hotel
where she'd dream of being his wife.

She gave the thing she most held dear
early mornings light brought shame,
her virginity lost to a would be Prince
him now a frog without a name.

Her shattered dreams and fairy tales
on the sheets in blood loud said,
" the frog he bought your innocence
with cheap words and cheaper red "

Reviews

[barleygirl]

I'm not sure if the blood on the sheets comes from giving up her virginity, or if there is something more sinister going on in this small motel room!?!?! Either way, it makes for a spooky sparking of the reader's imagination. Your writing is well-done with good rhyme & rhythm & vivid metaphors. This makes for an intense warning about giving away any of our tender parts to some near-stranger in the night! I like the way this can be interpreted in a number of ways.

[Gee]

Thank you Miss B

[BBP]

Awesome write Gee! You painted it perfect and the title drew me in!

[Gee]

Thank you BBP

[Annette Pisano-Higley]

The loss of innocence so well-described. "Each lie to her a beautiful truth"-heart breaking and poignant. Loved the vulnerability, lyrical flow and rhyme of it. Just beautiful!

[Gee]

Thank you Annette

[Wajiha Nayeem]

i loved this....so nicely written!...wonderful work.

[Gee]

Thank you kindly

[_mal]

Loved this. Not a style I see much of but you got across a timeless sense of loss. I feel like the second stanza is almost unnecessary but really liked the way you got across the innocence, hope and regret (hopefully a lesson) in such a short space

[Gee]

Thanks. You're probably right about the 2nd stanza it was only put in to get from one place to another now looking at it.
I should really take a bit more care but most of my posts are fairly quickly written in the hour or so before starting work

[_mal]

No it's really cool, I wouldn't usually say something like that but am really appreciating your work right now. I think without it people who are reading you properly would still know

[Gee]

It's nice to get honest feedback rather than a "I've read you now get your arse over to mine and read me" review. Unlike many on here very little I write is precious to me so praise, criticism is met in the same way.

[_mal]

Yeah those get a bit tiresome, makes you wish they'd just asked for a review and not bothered, It's really nice to read someone fresh.

[Enchanted-Raven]

I could relate to this one...well done dear :) x

[Gee]

Thank you kindly

[George Coombs]

a good well crafted poem which straightfowardly tells it how it is-one small suggestion if i may, final line from verse 3 try "him now a frog without name" ths avoiding repition og 'a'
I was interested to note you are from Milton Keynes, before I retired I worked for the open university who have their head offices there

[Gee]

Know the place well George. Will make suggested change. Thank you

[George Coombs]

Your welcome

[Paul Bell]

The pitfalls of growing up. Will it happen again.
You would think not. Though experience tells me different.

[Gee]

Over and over no doubt.
Most girls I grew up with gave their virginity whilst bolloxed. Cheers Paul

[Island Hippy]

Aloha Gee, gosh I can see my husband with a shot gun... it helps when a girl keeps her wits about her and takes the wine goggles off, but it seems frogs and princes look exactly the same on the outside. That last verse says it all. Izzy

[Gee]

Thank you Izzy

[EMILY]

This piece is really inspiring, I can really sense the passion in your writing and the thought behind it. I would love to be able to write a poem like this. Amazing.

[Gee]

Thanks Emily, get your crayons out and think like a child, simple rhyming verse that has a little meaning , job done.