Rust

Haiku

wind blowing gently

through bent iron bones it sighs

forever mournful

Author's Note

Take what you will.

Reviews

[Dhaye]

Nice Haiku. This is a thought provoking one. Rust can be a symbol of something that destroys a good thing. For me, it can be interpreted as someone (third party) or something (distrust,dishonesty, jealousy) to be the cause of a broken relationship.

Nice piece!:)

[Notsoloud]

Thank you very much. I'm glad you enjoyed this.

[Sami Khalil]

Short but good...:).....................

[RWE]

Rather nicely done; some good work here. However, the words "gently" and "goes" strike me as generic and weak. Suggest more precise and stronger words. Look forward to seeing more haiku from you! Also, don't be concerned with the "old" 5-7-5 structure. It was based on a misunderstanding of the Japanese language and method of counting syllables. There has NEVER been a requirement for an American/English haiku to fit the 5-7-5 mold. RWE41

[Notsoloud]

Thanks for the info. Change it a bit. I was aware that the Japanes translation was different but not that it was an english misunderstanding. This is good to know.
Thanks for the great review.

[Brianna Brie]

I really like the energy this offers. Awesome write! I would however drop the "on" in the second line to make 7 syllables. Perhaps, "the" would work better than "a" in the last line.

[Notsoloud]

Thanks must have missed it. Was up late. Fixed now.