JUST ANOTHER ACTOR

A raw poem about hiding pain behind a fake smile, feeling trapped in the act, and longing for genuine connection and freedom from the mask.

...And of course I bare the shame- 

The shame of always trying to impress you, 

The shame of being scared to detest you- 

So I'll go along with what you say, 

Smile on cue, 

I hope the audience likes the view, 

Standing front and center stage, 

Always trying to find hope in the haze, 

While I put on my makeup and deliver my line, 

Head dipped down but chin up high,

I hope they see what you're doing, 

How many other actors you're pursuing. 

Waiting for the curtains to close, 

waiting for you to look away, 

So I can tell myself "It's all gonna be ok,"  

I wait and I stay because I know no better, 

How do I know what the sun is when all I've seen is bad weather? 

The audience claps and applause as tears roll down my cheeks, 

"What a beautiful actor and a beautiful scene!" 

And of course it's true, 

All I am is an actor, 

putting on a fake smile for you.