STAND WHERE YOU FALL!

   

STAND WHERE YOU FALL!

 

Psalm 120: 5-7

5) Woe is me that I sojourn in Mesech, that I dwell in the tents of Kedar! 6) My soul hath long dwelt with him that hateth peace. 7) I am for peace: but when I speak, they are for war.

 

Hello everyone! Did you miss me? Oh thank you! If it’s a yes, but if not, well, truly it’s okay. I missed you, anyway. I’ve been sick lately, so I opted to take some rest. But I’m better now by God’s grace, that’s why I’m back, and excited to share once more.  By the way, while I was resting, instead of writing here, I decided to challenge myself to post in my FB account an object or a picture that reminds me of my father as my way of celebrating the Fathers’ Month. I was also trying to challenge others to do the same. At first, there were those who took the challenge with me, but it seemed to them that the challenge was too much to keep, so they decided to stop. There were also those who messaged me privately, how they wished to join me in this journey, but the problem was, they have nothing to share about their fathers, there was one who said, “No matter how hard I try to dig in to my childhood memory, I can’t find anything, because my parents got separated when I was still a child.” The other one said, “My father died early, and I cannot really remember anything about him.” There was one also who said, “I’m sorry for not taking the challenge. My childhood with my father wasn’t really good, but I love him of who he is today.” There were those also who said that they really appreciate the idea but so busy with their works. Actually, I was tempted also to stop, the truth is, it’s tiring and aside from that, I don't really find it fun to share things in FB in a daily basis, though there were times that I shared a lot in a day, but after some time, if I don’t delete them, I change the privacy into “only me”. Most of the time, I just want to keep silent. And I also find it so trashy to share my personal experiences with other people. Usually, I only share my personal stuff with the trustworthy few. Sometimes, I shared something in my story, but after few hours I decided to delete it, though I get encouraging reactions and messages from it. I also love deactivating my account from time to time, but for commitment sake I am keeping it active. Speaking of commitment, this is what keeps me going, that’s why I continue posting something about my father; it is to put my sense of commitment into trial. Oops!  Yes, I know it’s a lengthy introduction, and it seems too far from the title, but don’t worry, we are almost there. I have to do it this way because this writing is also part of the Fathers’ Month Challenge.

After my father’s death, my mother took his role. To be a wife of my father wasn’t easy. Oh please don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to turn the honour into dishonour. But as what many married couple said, marriage is not a fairytale, though sometimes it seems magical, but it’s not a life of fantasy. It’s like riding in a roller coaster, sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. There is no such thing as stable or perfect marriage, so to speak.

Please allow me to give you a little background of my mother and grandfather because it matters a lot. My mother is a Pastor’s child. When she was still young, she used to go with my grandfather wherever he goes. She loved the work of her father as an interpreter of the American Missionary in Mindanao. My grandfather got saved while he was interpreting for the missionary; this led him to the ministry too. But before he became an interpreter, he was a soldier by profession. That’s why the soldier in him still dominated his ways in ruling his family though he was already a Pastor. He was very strict, something that his children did not understand back in those days. My mother and my aunts found it so hard to reconcile why a Pastor like him won’t allow them to go to Bible School or continue their studies in college. (It is something that until now I don’t know the answer.) To make the long story short, they rebelled against their father; majority of them got married to unbelievers, including my mother.

My mother’s dream was to become a lawyer, but when she shared her dreams with her dad, she got damped. In her discouragement she said, “If someone will come to marry me, I will marry that person, just to run away from home.” At that time my father was a vacationer. He came to know my mother when his parents decided to buy some of the properties of my mother’s parents. When my father courted my mother, her answer was, “I’m not looking for a boyfriend, if you’re interested to marry me right away, then it’s a yes.” Wow, isn’t it too fast? Of course it did not happen that fast. My mother took some considerations; she searched the family background of my father, and when she found out that his mother was a teacher, and his father was one of the administrators in Cebu State College, (CNU now) she was impressed. It was said that my father got converted in faith, maybe this was the reason why my Pastor grandfather allowed them to settle down, but I don’t know how true the conversion was, it’s between him and God. But I am convinced that the love of my father for my mom was genuine, but I don’t know with my mother, maybe she learned to love him genuinely too, if not, then, I shouldn’t be here today and the rest of my siblings. So, the two became one. They started a family. As the days go by, they begin to know the real thing. My mother found out that she married a man whose father was the president of the Knight of Columbus in Cebu City. It grieved her heart, most especially when they decided to live with my father’s parents. She discovered a lot about my father. He was the smartest among the siblings, the favourite son, and the mom’s best friend.  My grandmother didn’t like my father to move away, and was willing to provide for the family provided that they stay. But this was not the kind of family my mother wanted; she wanted my father to learn to stand on his own, so she decided to leave. Their early marriage was an off and on marriage, but when the family grew bigger and bigger, my father fastened the belt for the family. He started to raise the family responsibly as much as he could; took his job seriously, and planned a lot for the family. But he did not surrender his smoking and drinking vices that little by little destroyed his health, then the family. When my father got drunk he’s terrible, he threw the appliances, shouted a lot, and said intolerable things to everyone, and I hated it very much! So, I told my mother to leave my father, but my mother’s answer left a very big mark in my mind and in my heart, she said “ I'd already made a mistake in marrying your father, I don’t like to commit another mistake by leaving him. No matter what your father did, he is still your father, and you have to continue to respect him as your father. Don’t invite the curse to come to you.”

            2 Corinthians 6:14 “Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?” This verse has to be taken seriously. We must choose to do the will of God at all times regardless of our circumstance if we don’t like to suffer the consequence of our actions. However, if we’ve made the wrong choices already, we have to determine to stand where we fall. We should not allow our failures to drag us completely to a hell type of living.  My mother learned her lesson the hard way, but what’s amazing about her was, she did not wallow herself in regrets, guilt, and in shame: she chose to rise above her failures. She did not let go of her faith in God. It was her faith in God that made her stay, serve, and take care of my father ‘til the very end of his breath.

            I may not have an ideal and perfect family; I may be one of the fruits of someone’s disobedience to God, But I’m grateful to know that I am believing, trusting, and worshipping the true and the living God, who is always gracious, merciful, loving, and forgiving. God’s grace and mercy to my mother are evident. The strength that she has to lovingly take care of her challenging children is simply remarkable! To GOD be the glory!