The Rubble

written 7-14-2012

Crushed, weighed down, and desolate

The world collapses in a shower onto my shoulders

Debris making small incisions as it pelts my skin

Agonizingly draining my very essence

 

Scared, lost, and confused

Slowly I watch myself dissipate

Seeping out of the ruins as the dust settles

Shattered to the very core

 

Crushed, weighed down, and desolate

Encased among the rubble

Trapped within the miry muck

Darkness descends around the dismal scene

 

Scared, lost, and confused

Scavengers peck at my already torn flesh

Searing pain rips through my nerves

Setting aflame the agony

Reviews

[Keith LaFountaine]

Deep stuff. I love the repetition of the first lines. You do an excellent job of description and exposition. Keep up the good work!

[That1Nerd23]

This is amazing!! You need to KEEP WRITING. Please and thank you. ((((:

[Arte Por Vida]

This has a lot power. It's.. heavy.
I think that although you could end it here, adding more could potentially be even more powerful.
It makes me want to help in whatever way that I possibly can. But I don't really know where I'd begin..