Just ranting

I dont know/dont think this is an actual poem. Just ranting. if you read all of it, I'm surprised. 11-9-12

God I feel so broken

The pain I’ve inflicted

The mess I have created

It’s so bad Lord

I cannot see past the pile of destruction

I’m in up to my nose

Barely able to breath

I don’t know what I’m worried about most

I have piles on every side

I don’t know if the pain I caused is what weighs me down

Or if it’s the fear of the future

All I want Lord

All I want is for it to end

Everything

Done

I just cant take it

I don’t know what you see in me

That you keep allowing more and more piles

Why me

Why am I an instrument of suffering

Torturing your children

Why do I just pile on to the filth already here

Can I not be elevated and lighted

To show a way for people

Rather than shoot them in the a*s

When they are trying to make it

Why do I have to be the bulldozer

Rather than the builder

Why do I set to flame your flowers

Why am I the one to ignite their trials

Can I not guide them through their suffering

Can I not point them to the Prince of peace

The one who will ease their pain

Why Lord

Why

Why can I not break the chain

Why can I not soar with the eagles

Why must I roll in the mud with the pigs

Did you not create me for something better

Am I to be a pot created for garbage

Destroying the beauty of everything else

Why do I destroy

Why do I create more pain

Why Lord

Why

I just don’t understand

I don’t get why I hurt everything

Lord I’m scared

I’m scared of the path you have me on

Is this really what you have in store for me

A dead end leading to more pain

Father I don’t get it

Why am I such a failure

Why can I not hold up to your expectations

Father why

Is this my discipline

Father is that it

Am I being punished

Doomed to hurt people

To wreck everything

My own internal torture for the pain already caused

Father I don’t understand

I just don’t get what you are doing

I want to know more

I want to see more

I want to feel more

All I see

All I know

All I feel

Is hurt

I just don’t understand

I guess all I can do is hope

Hope this isn’t all you have for me

Hope that I will stop inflicting pain

Hope for healing

Hope that people will grow

And be healed

Healed from the suffering I caused

I don’t want them stuck like me

I don’t want their only friend to be pain

Lord let them see love

Let them know you are near

Let them grow to be

The wonderful creation you meant them to be

Let their flowers bloom

Take away the pain I put them through

Take away all suffering

And fill them with an everlasting peace

End me Father

I don’t want to go on

I’ve seen enough

I’ve done enough harm

I want to cease

I’m tired of it

I can push it back

And push it back

But in the end it comes out again

So Father

Help me die

Reviews

[That1Nerd23]

The emotions depicted in this poem are almost unbearable. I feel as though I have read a story of utter tragedy and despair. I feel as though I am no longer looking at a friend who is joy-filled but rather shacked by burden and regret.

Let go my friend.

"All I once thought gain I have counted lost, spent and worthless now, compared to this: Knowing you, Jesus; knowing you. There is no greater thing!"

God has this grand plan for you. He's waiting to do some pretty spectacular things in your life and He is waiting with unfathomable love and patience. Until you let go of everything in your life, you will never be able to find the glorious satisfaction that Christ can graciously bestow upon you.

I know you're going through a lot right now, I know it's hard...but you mustn't give up, nor give in. You have to be strong. Life is more than worry, life is more than regret, life is more than fear, and standards we set.

[That1Nerd23]

"Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
When your heart's heavy
I...I will lift it for you

Don't give up
Because you want to be heard
If silence keeps you
I...I will break it for you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

Don't give up
It's just the hurt that you hide
When you're lost inside
I...I will be there to find you

Don't give up
Because you want to burn bright
If darkness blinds you
I...I will shine to guide you

Everybody wants to be understood
Well I can hear you
Everybody wants to be loved
Don't give up
Because you are loved

You are loved
Don't give up
It's just the weight of the world
Don't give up
Every one needs to be heard
You are loved"