Letter

11-18-12

One of my biggest regrets is feeling like I had to hide the fact you were my girlfriend. I felt far more worried about what other people thought, than the joy I felt in my own heart. I am so sorry. Another, that I didn't affirm you every day. Telling you how much I truly care for you, how special you were to me. Telling you how much I appreciate you. Telling you everything that I adored about you, now it seems too late.  Another yet, that I failed to protect you. I let sin creep into our relationship and I did not do my job in protecting your heart. That precious heart that was entrusted to me, and I allowed it to receive affliction. I am so sorry. I am so sorry I did not honor and cherish you as I should have. I’d give anything to have another chance, another chance to truly treat you how you deserve. I wish and pray that somehow this will all work out and I would get an opportunity to prove to you how much you truly mean to me. You are precious and I love you more than I even knew. I wish you knew how I truly felt. But the truth is, even I cannot put fully into words my feelings towards you. It hurts a lot that I lost you and I find it hard to make it through. But I must trust God that somehow that you will learn what is true. I pray you not hold on to the hurt but remember the good. I pray you would know how willing I am to truly accompany you in a relationship truly honoring to God. That you would know of my desire to start over, to do everything right this time. To honor and cherish you from the start and doing so by having God in our relationship, I regret so much that I did not have Him in our relationship. I regret that I didn’t wash you in the word. I just wish I could get another chance to do just that. To truly do what is right and honorable. A chance to prove to YOU, the only one I care about, that I truly do care.  I miss you so much. I thank God every time I remember you (phil 1:3).Your smile; your love; your presence; your willingness to stick beside me, even if I had to leave for a long time, you said you would wait; our tickle fights; the walks when I got to hold your hand; that day at the lake when I took your picture,  even though I seemed impatient, I was happy; the time we went swimming and I pushed you around on the tube, keep you above water when someone else tried to dunk you; the time I taught you to skip a rock; the time we sat in the chair on my porch; our first kiss (on that bench by the river) the fact I didn’t want to stop kissing you; that road trip we took where ever straight stretch I leaned over to kiss you; that time at Jared's, when he and I were playing video games, but I still managed to reach over and kiss you; all the times we watched moves and I was able to hold you in my arms; playing with your hair and you mine; my ability to be comfortable with you; the times you made me food; that time I saw my last name and your first name all over your notebook, that was cute; that time I played the song "I love you" by Lecrae, if I ever get another chance, I cross my heart and hope to make you smile; one word, squirrels; just being able to have you in the car with me; your heart; your artistic side; your love for Christ, tho I wish I would have seen it more; kissing my wounds; comforting me; the times you helped me with my laundry; and those times we just stared at each other. You would always ask me what when I looked at you, and I was a fool not to tell you that I loved you and that I’m just staring at you because I felt extremely blessed to be with you, and I loved looking into your eyes. I miss not know what is going on in your life. I wish so much we could have moments like that again and more. Like baking together; taking pictures together; learning Spanish; more holding hands; more adventure; and just plain old more happiness together. There is so much I wish I could do with you. So much that we were never able to do because I didn’t try. I was so worried about other things that I didn’t take the time to take care of the one whom I cared most about. I am so sorry. I wish I could have another chance. Just one that is all I would need. I am so saddened by the fact you think I want to manipulate you. That no matter what I say you just assume it is me trying to say the right thing. Well my dear whom I have lost, everything in this letter/story thing is true, it is not edited or fixed up in any way to say that right thing. It is purely what I think and feel.  All I can do is pray that somehow you will see that. Somehow you will know. Till then I will pray for that day, when we can finally be together again. Oh what a joyous day that will be, a joyous day.  Oh, mi amor, perdóname. Desearia un dia encontrar gracia ante tus ojos.