Made Clear

1-28-13 I horribly suck at titles, just saying.

If by his wounds I have been healed

Then why do I feel so broken

I’ve prayed for release, I’ve prayed to move on

Yet still does my heart cling

 

I hurt her

She hurt me

Why should I want to stay

Yet, still I do

 

One simple phone call

One simple text

And I’d be there

 

On and on

Day by day

Thoughts of you persist

 

It makes no sense

Why do I still hold on

Why do I still dream

Why do I still care

 

I just do

And I always will

Perhaps someday I’ll know

Someday I’ll understand why

 

Someday all will be made clear

Reviews

[LauraMarieAlways]

I'm sure I have mentioned this in another review, but repetition is my favorite literary element. It reinforces everything that you have written; I love this poem, but I think that punctuation adds emphasis on pauses and so forth. Overall, excellent write.

[Jeremia]

Thank you for your review. As for the punctuation; I think the "Yet, I still do" was meant to have a pause. Not necessarily that long of a pause, but a pause.

[LauraMarieAlways]

Oh, no, I meant that I think there should be MORE punctuation for emphasis. I'm sorry that I didn't make myself clear.

[Jeremia]

Hmm. Any specific spots you would suggest?

[LauraMarieAlways]

Well, basic comma rules should apply to poetry as well as prose, so I would suggest using them. Without periods and commas, a poem is read in a constant stream without pause. I will give an example with your first stanza:
"If by his wounds I have been healed,
Then why do I feel so broken?
I’ve prayed for release, I’ve prayed to move on;
Yet still does my heart cling."

There are other ways in which you could carry the stanza out, of course, I am just applying one. The content is there, of course, but I've found that I enjoy poems much better if they don't use too much or too little punctuation. Of course, this is without considering your writing style, so maybe you intended it to be that way?

Other than that, I really loved this piece. Thank you for contributing it to this site!

[Jeremia]

Well, most of my poetry is highly emotional. So it kinda all flows relatively quickly. lol Like I cant shut up and all this just comes out of my mouth. Or something like that anyway.

[LauraMarieAlways]

Well, then there is no need for punctuation if that is your style. :)

[Holly Mason]

love this nice write thank you

[Jeremia]

Thank you. I'm glad you liked it. :)

[Michael X]

this poem defines heartbreak at its pinnacle, when the heart questions God. I am sure many can relate to this and the feelings invoked, passionate and careful form and flow
brings the words as well as the emotions to life. Great work here.

[Jeremia]

Thank you very much. Your comment is valued greatly.