Pickings

A look at the loss of innocence or ones virginity in something forcefully. Not dark but metaphorical

 

Picked off the vine

In its prime

Juices run deep within the surface

Teaming with the sugar of want

Poisoning the governors coffee

Corrupting the heart of the flightless bird

Deep woods penetrating the Earth’s virgin dirt

New and refined

Clumped and Dark

She cries out in fear shaking

Opening her bosom

He takes her under

The waters swirling, frothy, angry

Baptismal waters littered in blood and refuse

The angels white robes are dirtied with blood

She is mute

Reviews

[Trigorin]

Not bad, but some of your imagery is rather heavily loaded, and your topic is such a touchy one that it is a little difficult for this to be seen as anything but dark. This is well-written, however, and I think the change of pace and tone with the last line is a very nice touch. Well done.

[Bexfinch]

your right, I geuss it is a bit dark lol :3thanks

[The Valerian Legion]

Intriguing imagery but the line "Deep woods... hm I feel it could be refined. This seems dark instead of welcoming. It feels volatile and frightening. If your desire is to portray a seductive innocence that can come from sex and its first experience I feel this is more of a portrayal of innocence stolen...taken...and the frightful traumatic reality of what it does to ones heart and soul. That isn't a bad thing just my thoughts of what I feel when I read this. Its quite "in your face" quality brings up vivid imagery for me.

[Satan's Daughter]

I like the tone change of the last line. Also, the dark spin of this poem was masterful and I commend you, as not everyone would be able to pull it off as you did. I like the idea of corruption and loss of innocence you were able to incorporate very well. Overall a great write. Well penned, my friend.

I also love the picture! :)

[Carolann Dowsett]

I can see the corruption of innocence here and the darker side of sex. Well written and thought provoking.