Best Friend

my friend !

Your a girl of many temptations

Sneaking behind daddies back

In the room

In the bathroom

Behind the  doors

I'm your friend the best of them

Who keeps them closed

"No secrets here" is posted on the walls

Although its plain to see there are

Hands run under his shirt

Mouth on top of yours

Mouth on your neck tasting feeling

Me keeping it all shut

You groan and moan

I keep it in

You tell your lies

And I give in

I try so hard not to cry

Cuz I know his heart

It's cracked open wide !

 

 

Reviews

[Natasha]

Just remember to re-edit and check work for grammar/spelling mistakes, especially

"Although its plain to see there are
Hands run under his shirt"

Other then that, I think this could be a lyrical song if you keep going with it and a poem as well. I think the beginning of the poem draws the reader in and is the strong point of this poem. I think in the middle of the poem it jumps too soon and it's a bit confusing.

[Kenya Hunter :) :)]

Really bold piece. Just work on grammar. And spelling. :)

[MoriartyMesa]

This needs a cold drink (vodka on ice with oj) and some THC cause it has a nice mental high with a nice cool side effect.



Nice.

[Emily]

"you're a girl of many temptations" don't start with a grammatical error, it makes people want to stop reading. "sneaking behind daddy's back" daddy is possiessive, so 's.

This is a bold piece, I like what you've captured in these words. Well done!

[kewlbluetiger]

Oceana, I always felt your writing has this bold sincerity to it. Our friends can be nuts. Sometimes being there is enough, and all you can do. You did a good job expressing how we see situations as a whole when our friends sometimes seem blind to the truth. Nice write.

[E. R. Rawding]

you really need to work on fundamentals of grammar. such as spelling, apostrophe placement, etc. the message here isn't bad, but it's muddled by the errors. keep trying

[Bexfinch]

ill get to ur review requests as soon as i can tooo many

[Bexfinch]

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr what vdudes do to my bffl is so crazy i wanna just grrrr I mean and if their cute she allows it .