Swirling Leaves

From a prompt

The music screams into her ears

Drowning out any thoughts she might have had

hiding in her head

It was autumn

And it was beautiful

With the leaves swirling around

A multicolored chaos against her green hoodie

But today, the sun was hiding

And the wind was blowing

And it was very cold

But the music sang a different tune

And all she could bother wondering about

Was what it would feel like to have

Leaves in her hair

Author's Note

What do you think?

Reviews

[Relic]

There's different ways to look at this because inferring something can make a reader think. The different music could be her intrusive thoughts. The hoodie is on her head which denotes hiding perhaps.

But then the music in winter changes so she looks back at autumn with its leaves freely moving about wondering. But it's too late so she imagines.

Just my take. Interesting poem.

[Broken.buddy]

such a lovely, contemplative piece of work. There's something really beautiful about the contrast between the harsh "screams" of the music and the gentle and wistful ending thought about leaves in her hair.
That specific autumn mood - the way music can create its own weather inside our heads, separate from what's actually happening around us. The image of "multicolored chaos against her green hoodie" is vivid and cinematic.
There's also something poignant about how the music drowns out her thoughts, but then her mind still wanders to something so tactile and simple - the feeling of leaves in her hair.


The shift from the somewhat harsh opening lines to that soft, sensory wonder at the end creates a really nice emotional arc

thank you for evoking a beautiful autumn day

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"and the leaves that are green turn to brown. And they wither with the wind and they crumble in your hand" (Simon and Garfunkel)
There is no silence, only music that screams rather than soothes...sometimes autumn turns on a dime and this happens....we get so cold inside, all at once.
And this is from a prompt?
So well done, Green.

[Marie]

I love this very finely penned descriptive write, Green. I love how the poem begins with earbuds drowning out all the thoughts the lady had swirling around in her mind like Autumn leaves. Though the day was cool and the wind was blowing, the music in her ear buds played a different story creating a different mood, one which had her wondering what it would be like if she took her hood off and the leaves played with her hair. I like this poem v-e-r-y much. Autumn is beautifully captured in both word, imagery and graphic. I so enjoyed reading! Thank you for sharing, dear poetess. Lovely work! Well done!

[Desert Knave]

I like it. The change of seasons is always a time to get things done and the falling leaves are a great sight (in or out of one's hair). ~Jim

[Sunflower/Sara Kendrick]

I enjoyed reading this one which expresses the weather of the last few days. Descriptive and expressive lines penned. Thanks for sharing it with us. Sara K

[Lee Bakes]

Its the peak of summer here and here I am feeling like its autumn! that's exactly the effect this poem had on me :) its such a happy poem as I get from most of your work! always such a lighthearted joy that it exudes! .... And, now I want leaves in my hair too!! :) but alas for the relentless march of summer days :P

[Collyn]

I love the imagery in this poem! I've read this many times over now, and I really like it. I love the contrast of the beginning half of the poem to the end half of the poem. At first, the poem is almost comforting, but toward the end it's a little more depressing, emphasizing the second half, if that makes sense. Good work!

[alf]

Hi Green. Love this. There is not a thing I would change. You have expressed that lethargy of mood with the most simplistic and strident of words!! I wonder what it would feel like, to have leaves in my hair . . . An extremely good write, alf

[Steven]

I feel there is something here.. Some of the word choices might be traded out for better ones. For example "hiding." If the music drowns them out, how are they otherwise hiding? They seem already subdued without the blaring music. So perhaps "Clamoring." Something like that. You get the idea. Other instances you can find for yourself if you want.

I like the notion of being hooded and unwilling to "un-hood" so to speak, even though the result (leaves in hair) is desirable. Speaks well to the inertia we are all at times guilty of.

Overall, decent, imo.

[Green]

Well thank you for taking the time to comment