Beautiful Liar

Written 1/19/15 Sometimes all I see is red..

My beautiful liar
You're always so alluring
Teasing me with temptation
Making me crave you
Need you...
Like needing air to breathe
I give in..
Let you pierce my skin
I love the crimson color you produce
All I see is red
I'm in ecstasy now
...
Wait a moment though
Here comes the truth
You sting with regret
And I secretly hate you
I hate the hold you have on me
And how you randomly come along
Reminding me
I don't belong
Leaving wounds on the outside
For everyone to see
How truly messed up I can be
(End)

Author's Note

Even though I've been clean of it for several years, I still struggle with urges to self harm on occasions. That's what inspired this.

Reviews

[....................]

yeah, the promise of release is such a liar, yet a beautiful one when the lure is so deep... this is stark writing, Ashley, and a true testament to you as a writer who is able to face these truths, as difficult as they could be...thanks for sharing this...

[GreenEyedPoet]

I can't take any credit for being able to face these truths, it is God that deserves that credit. Because if it weren't for Him I'd probably end up going back to doing this or doing something worse.

[....................]

God provides us only situations that we can draw from within ourselves that which he has already given us... when we want patience he doesn't grant it, he puts us in a situation where we must find it... that mush I have learned already in this life... don't sell yourself short, Ashley, you have everything you need inside of you :D

[GreenEyedPoet]

Not trying to sell myself short, I just know that I didn't give myself the things I need - it was all Him. And yes you correct, He doesn't grant us most things. Most of the time He puts us in situations where we gain what it is we want/need. And the great thing about Him is, when He gives us those situations if we fail, He'll keep giving us chances to get it until we do. :]

[....................]

Yes, indeed... a very forgiving God, and very patient :D....

[GreenEyedPoet]

Yes He is. :D

[Bleeding Iris]

Its beautiful. Every word that reaches its way gracefully into your mind is so incredible and elegant. Words can't say how amazing your poetry is.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Wow, thank you Iris! I'm glad you're enjoying my poems! :)

[Coyote Poetry]

Red, the color of anger or no control. Madness or bliss. I enjoyed the complete poem.
"Let you pierce my skin
I love the crimson color you produce
All I see is red
I'm in ecstasy now "
Good to fall into ecstasy. Allow us to know a taste of utopia. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[GreenEyedPoet]

This is the one time ecstasy was not a good thing, it only came about from self harming.

[Coyote Poetry]

Self harming is never good.. A lot of energy and struggle in the words.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Not its not, I haven't done it in years though, I do still on occasions get the urge to do it - that's why I wrote this.

[Braydon]

Wow that's amzing!!! Good job! :)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thank you! :)

[Braydon]

No problem :) trust me I know what self harm feels like and how addictive it can be but I know I don't know you or what kind of s**t your going through but it will get better and honestly cutting your self won't solve anything or help anything. What happens when you hit a major vein and you bleed out and die? Don't self harm its not worth it! :(

[GreenEyedPoet]

No worries, I haven't done it in years. I just get urges to do it every once in a while.

[Braydon]

You should check some of my writing out 😝

[sereenaoutloud]

very open,, you could feel the struggle in this. I loved how you voiced 2 different sides. Very nicely done!

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thank you!

[Ashley Dawn Proctor]

Love the flow of your poem. It really got my attention.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thank you!

[Shane Mohamed]

It sounded like you were struggling with something; not sure what it was. Thanks for clarifying it. My ex was a cutter. She nearly committed suicide when I broke up with her. I guess I got tired of her wounds, which I've tried to heal, but she seemed to always piss on it when things were getting better. Anyway, it's a good thing that you're fighting the urges. Seek some professional help if you think you need it. Good luck.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Sadly, no one heal her wounds except her. You could be there for her and try your best but if she didn't want to get better there was nothing you could do for her to be honest. I've learned that the hard way.
As for me, I haven't self harmed in about 6-7 years, I don't ever plan to do it again - but I'll probably have the urges still for a while. But I had God now, and He will help me with that. :)

[Shane Mohamed]

I'm glad you're well structured. God bless you.

[GreenEyedPoet]

I try! Lol.
And thank you! God bless you too. :)

[Melinda McQueen]

Such a powerful poem. It's like being on the edge of sweetness and bitterness.
A good write.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Ya know, actually that pretty much is how self harm is - it's this bittersweet thing with the person dealing with it.
Thanks for the comment!

[Ana D S M]

Outstanding! A smooth, sensual and seductive start that ends with an ugly dose of reality.
Excellent delivery.

[GreenEyedPoet]

Thank you!

[Ana D S M]

You're most welcome. :)

[Jamestown]

This is well written, with a twist of love and hate, truth or lie!
It can be an emotional roller coaster! Thanks for sharing and b-blessed!

[GreenEyedPoet]

That is how it is sometimes with self harm, you love it one moment and hate it the next.

[Jamestown]

You have educated me! Thanks:)

[GreenEyedPoet]

Glad to be be able to help you understand it a bit more. :)